Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Oh, Baby!

This is what happens when you leave the kids in charge so you can have 5 minutes to yourself. Heaven forbid. So I am grateful he did not swallow the chess pieces but instead chucked each piece across the room.
We switched my two oldest kids rooms & now we are getting the boys room unpacked. Hence the boxes and chaos around the room. Not that it wouldn't be messy ordinarily but atleast the bookcases will be unpacked. Hopefully minus the baby.

I am shameless, I will ask my mom to dress up in a bunny suit to attract people's attention to my sidewalk oil painting extravaganza. I have no pride. It was the biggest Saturday I have ever had. Everyone loves a cute bunny.
In my It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful post I talked about the slide now in the breakfast/play room. Wah la, here it is in all it's glory. He loves it.
And now for the news:
So my hubby and I have made up. He came to the store & put up a bunch of signs along the street leading to the shop. He knew I needed help doing that & it was his way of making up. I thought it was nice of him. He then suprised me by telling me he signed up on to do their "Read the Bible in a Year" program. You do everything on the computer, you even get to pick the translation you want to read. I was impressed. He has never expressed an interest in reading the entire Bible. He has really been seeking God. He is confused about our circumstances too. He says the same thing I do, in his whole life this is the hardest & most darkest time & he can't deal with it. We are both looking to God for help & peace, guidance & wisdom. I think what we are going through right now is the worst we have dealt with. The thought of declaring bankruptcy makes me want to vomit. The thought that we could very possibly be homeless soon is too much to bear. The thought that we would lose our kids if we were homeless is too much to bear. Not having money to buy groceries is too much to bear. We are raiding the pantry pretty good. I don't understand still how this happened to us. We lived within our means, we made plenty of money, we had some put aside. We had a nice life. Then the housing market collapsed. Now we have no money, no health insurance, we are beside ourselves. I pray for strength.
So hubby put on a Christian channel last night & it was all about receiving God's blessings & also why you may not be receiving them. Is this a theme? Creflo Dollar was preaching about that too yesterday morning, my pastor at church has been preaching on it. I guess they know a lot of people are hurting financially right now. So it was a great night because I was happy he watched a couple of hours of teaching shows on God.
I failed miserably last night. I was so stressed because I had not one single sale yesterday. I just wanted to cry. Only 2 people even came in. Then on the way home a bill collector calls & I can't pay the bill. I got so stressed, I tried not to, but I did. They baby was being really whiny, I just got in a bad mood big time & found myself apologizing almost constantly to my kids for snaping at them. I hate when I get that bad. I need to remember what Creflo said about speaking positive things into existance. I have to bite my tongue, try not to say anything negative.
Oh, I almost forgot, my sweet Amber kitty watched the programming last night too. It was so sweet, she prayed aloud for God to please remove the curse of the devil, the curse of sin in her life. She told God she wanted to be good, then she laid her hands on me and prayed for me. Man, my little 8 year old can pray. I was touched & I behaved myself after that. Humbled by an 8 year old.
Today I have had 2 sales already. I am happy for every dollar. I have sold 3 items for a grand total of $16.99 in sales. I don't care, I had no sales yesterday & the day is still young. See, positive. I am praying hard today for God to help me be a better Christian & to help de stress me. How useful to him can I be if others just see negativity & defeat in me.
I am also still confused about the whole "blessings of God" in your life thing. The rule seems to be if you want God to bless your life then you must also be seeking Him & following his commands, etc. You know, following him, worshiping him. But then I see Saul nowhere close to being in the will of God have a direct intervention with Jesus on the road to Damascus, anyway, he was annointed & blessed to be called directly by Jesus & he didn't do anything to deserve it. Yes, God appointed him for a reason I know. God also saves people in total crisis who have never served him & they cry out to Him to be saved & rescued & I have seen God do it. So we are all wretches too, none of us can measure up, I don't understand..... If I can't seem to rid myself of this anger, resentment & bitterness does that mean that I will not be blessed by God again. I thought we were not supposed to have to "earn" God's blessings. Very confusing. I am trying I promise to change, I have so much against me it's hard to even breathe sometimes. My chest hurts many times a day. I can't do this on my own. I don't know what else to do. Am I being tested? I don't understand.... those three things are the only thing I can see in my life that would be so displeasing to God. Is that why we are no longer blessed? How can eveything be okay & one year later we can be penniless, about to be homeless, & unable to find steady work for hubby. He is the most honorable man I know. He is honest & principaled. He doesn't deserve this. I don't know....... I am just praying for strength & to be sustained. I have bills to pay at work and personally & I keep thinking about that. It has to end sometime.
It is sunny & beautiful as usual in Metro Atlanta. I shall go outside & breathe in our lovely smog & pray & give thanks now.

No comments: