Monday, July 28, 2008

The Joy of The Lord Is My Strength

Isn't she beautiful?
My lexie poo.
a.k.a lambie or squirrel
She came to help me out at the store.
She always makes things look pretty.
She is photogenic.
She is also a ham for the camera.
I had this frame custom made with her school's colors. She is a varsity cheerleader this year. My little 11th grader, well , starting Aug. 4 at least. School starts very early here.
I am so proud of her. She is sweet, loving, kind hearted & very well mannered with the exception for her fondness for burping. She has beat the odds. Lex has been a victim of something horrendous that usually scars people but not my baby. She has done beautifully through the years & I am thankful for the wonderful underpaid counselors that work for our criminal justice system. One wonderful thing for certain our tax payers dollars have gone for is free counseling for children who have been victims to certain crimes. FREE people. When a child needs counseling twice a week every week for long periods of time and then weekly visits for over a year that is very very expensive. Most people don't have that money so guess what, instead of some of our tax dollars paying for yet another lobster dinner for a politician who claims it as a business expense, sometimes they do the right thing & help our wounded children. She is living proof. Sooooooo proud of my baby. Hell is a horrible place, I can't stand the thought of most anyone being there, it is so horrible & it is forever and ever. There are some kinds of people though that it would not hurt me to know they were there. Not one bit. Forgiven but not forgotten.
Sunday at church was wonderful. I had a great time during praise & worship. Fun fun fun.
Weigh In Monday Report: Well, first I lost a half a pound. Then my husband made me a chocolate shake at 9pm Saturday & I gained a pound. Then I lost half a pound so I am right back where I started last week. 193.5. I am not sad. I changed a lot about our eating habits this week. We only had salad for a meal once but we had salad with our meals 3 times. I only had sweets 3 times instead of every night after dinner. Mom & the kids have been baking brownies & cakes every day. It is my weakness. I told them no more. Two or three times a week only, not every night. I was tired this week & made excuses for not getting on the treadmill. I only did crunches twice this week. What did I expect? Guess what, I lost nothing. Lesson learned. I got on the treadmill this morning even though I was trying to make excuses for why I had too much housework to do it. I did it anyway, see I learned my lesson. I have to move. Eating has never been a way for me to lose weight. I have to move a lot. Always been that way, so it's move or stay the way I am. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Spiritually I have had so much ground gained. During service Sunday I suddenly felt compelled to go over to the other church ( the kids & teens have their own building ) & help with the teens on Wed. evening. They are in the main church for Sunday mornings. This is soooo not me. I like working with teens & mentoring them. But I have never ever never ever felt compelled to do youth ministry before. After all, I have four kids, church is my refuge from mommy hood. It is "my time". But....... it was the same feeling & thought pattern as when I was sitting there & the compelling was there to re join the choir. Which I never wanted to do again after my previous experience with some legalistic meanies in choir. But I obeyed & it has been great. So I didn't argue with the feeling or thought, whatever it is, but I did question it. I was like, is that me? God did that come from you. It was very vague. Sometimes God speaks to me, sometimes it is a complete thought with sentence form that just appears, & sometimes it is a very very lightening quick vision/thought pattern that is just there. Those quickies I don't like because they can be easily confused with our thoughts. But I have learned that if I meditate on the thought, even argue with it a little & it doesn't go away then it is from God. So I still feel like I need to go over there so I guess I am going to church early on Wed. to talk to the pastor in charge of teens to see if he even wants my help in any way. Of course of God ordains it, he will have a need & I will be there right in time to fill it. So I am excited because I have been bugging, I mean constantly asking God to let me be of use to him. To know His will for me, to use me & now He has given me something to do. How wonderful is that? This is very exciting. I have been asking & now he has supplied me with a need to fill. I don't care how small it is, that fact that God has asked me to do something is an honor to me.
It has been so wonderful to feel so free lately. I have really enjoyed everything more the last few days. I smiled & sang my heart out Sunday for the first time in years. I smiled as I sang. It's not easy to do, but I just couldn't stop smiling. I remember that a lot of people in the congregation used to tell me they got a kick out of watching me during praise & worship because I was always smiling big when I sang. That was way before from before I left church for 2 and a half years. I have learned much about the joy of the Lord lately. I never understood fully what it meant when someone said the Joy of the Lord is my strength. I am sure there are many ways to interpret that. I like what Joyce Meyers said about it. When you are full of the joy of the Lord you are riding high and feel like you can do anything. You are smiling and happy. You are positive and a good influence on others. You feel close to God when you are full of His joy. When we are sad & depressed we feel far from God, we don't feel like we can do much and are not a positive influence on anybody around us to paraphrase her. I am strong when I am full of the joy of the Lord. Sounds easy but I guess until you have lost that joy, you can't realize the full meaning of it. I am so happy to be learning again how wonderful it is to have the joy of the Lord as my strength. I am happy to be smiling again. I waved the bills for the store today in the air, I can't worry about paying them. I waved them to God & told him he had bills to pay if he was going to use this place to help fund His kingdom. If they don't get paid then I guess this place wasn't in His will for me & I will be a little heartbroken but not defeated. Nice to be able to say that. Trying to remain strong. I fall sometimes, I guess that makes me human. So I guess that's okay.


ocean mommy said...

She is absolutely precious!

I can't wait to hear how God uses you in your youth ministry! That's exciting.

Got your comment about the youtube videos. I found that particular one on another blog. Normally, whatever song is playing through my mind, I just do a search on youtube to see what's there.

Anonymous said...

I never comment on blogs, but this one is awesome! Thanks.