My little trouble maker.
Strangely I feel quite peaceful today. My hubby has a lot of calls coming in for estimates & 3 meetings already set up this week & more appointments being made. He will be done with a basement & a roof job by the end of next week. After that there is no confirmed work. Which basically means no $$. He is excited & optimistic though about all the calls coming in. My business is still way slow. June & July are supposed to be really slow but now it has caused me to be behind on what I owe out which is not good. If August isn't really really good I don't know if I will be able to catch up. That is what I know in the natural world. God of course can provide all things & after what He did for me on Saturday I believe He will. Of course I would like things to all just be okay immediately & I have seen him do that for people. Maybe for us it will be slower as He teaches me to be patient & rely solely on Him & His strength, all the while strengthing my faith. I have NOT been doubtful of whether He could pull us up out of what has been the worst year of my life but I have been doubtful of whether He would. I know I am not the only person who struggles with the WILL HE complex. The WILL HE doubt is really horrible because it eats at you. WILL YOU GOD??? WHY WOUN'T YOU GOD? GOD, DID YOU HEAR ME, I'VE BEEN CALLING UPON YOU & NOTHING'S HAPPENED, HELLO GOD, ARE YOU THERE? Time goes by and you are still trying and seeking Him but nothing much happens & there it is again. But this time maybe with a little attitude. GOD, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE I AM STILL SUFFERING. GOD PLEASE HELP ME, WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME? GOD I KNOW YOU MIGHT BE BUSY SAVING PEOPLE FROM BEING EATEN BY SHARKS OR SOMETHING BUT WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GIVE ME A SECOND, I'M DYING OVER HERE. Yes, ha ha I have actually said the shark thing to God. So I am grateful to God for giving me peace in what seems like a situation my family cannot overcome nor our businesses. When God doubled my sales Saturday like he did I asked Him 3 different times to please let me know if that what I believed was wrong. I believed that God did that for me not just as a momentary blessing but to show me that the business would be successful, that it would all be okay & to just hold on. I was so crazy excited about what He did for me Saturday that I pleaded with Him that if I interpreted that blessing incorrectly to please drop a word in my spirt. Nothing came so I believe that my business is in God's plan for me. I will stand on that. It has given me a peace that I needed. I am so way behind on what I need that it is hard I admit to be in here all alone this morning & not worry about people coming in to buy. God will make a way for me & I am not patient but I will wait on Him.
I really HATE this last year of extreme suffering but I also LOVE what it has taught me. I have learned things I didn't know about and probably could not have learned or understood without having to suffer like this. So I am grateful to God that He loves me enough to teach me more about Him, His son, His Holy Spirit & also my life in Him. I could not honestly say that until this week. I am grateful for this wretched experience & I am most grateful that God moved me to create this blog so that I will have these archives to look back on & never forget how God brought me out of such horrible suffering & depression. I am grateful for the Nester, Ocean Mommy & Wynner. These ladies have been such an encouragement to me & been so beneficial to my spirt whether they know it or not. I pray for these ladies almost everyday ( I have to admit sometimes I forget but hey, my prayers are not the same everyday). I am so grateful for what I have learned in this suffering that I have cried out of gratitude a few times since Sunday. That's big for me because this has been so wretched & I am still not out of danger. Everything I have feared for over a year now still could bite me & destroy everything we have worked for & leave me homeless or if I am lucky in a shack too small to fit us all but atleast we would not be homeless. I am grateful today to have peace. I just want to be in God's will. If God has other plans for us that don't include our businesses & staying in our home then that is what it must be. I only wish I could have a clear vision of what the will of God is for my life & that of my family. Then it would be so easy to obey. But he has chosen to keep that hidden for now & I will continue to pray & ask until He chooses to reveal His plan for us. I just simply know that the Lord provides & I have only to listen to what He speaks & obey one step at a time.