Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Something that has been on my mind lately.... walking in love. I really want to do that. Everyone knows someone that is sweet, soft spoken, not easily angered, loves the Lord & it shows, just so sweet & blessed, quiet, everyone loves her. I have always wanted to be that lady. I never will, God did not make me that way. But I always look to those ladies for inspiration. I am a Joyce Meyers type of person. I have lots of opinions & I love to share them. Not in a bossy way, but if a subject comes up, I always eagerly join in & I am a extrovert of sorts. So I am trying.... I have really been trying to walk in love more with my husband. We are both really stressed right now. We had a difficult & painful pregnancy 3 years ago & the last two years have been spent raising a most difficult child who will turn 2 on the 20th. He is still in his crib in my room, still doesn't sleep through the night. So needless to say with the pregnancy, the crying baby, sleepless nights, the layoff, business problems, financial hell, we haven't had much ahem... passion for each other. Never mind lack of privacy. I have wondered much the last few months if we could ever get it back, when was the last time he really really kissed me, or I him. I don't mean a peck.... I mean a real stirring kiss that made you melt. Passion. We had definitely lost it. As I have begun my walking in love journey, he responded with more kindness too. Then a few days ago, I was determined to have an answer to my passion question. Is it even still there or have we been married too long & have too many problems. So being somewhat shy, I hinted around that I was wanting some close & private time. He wasn't biting. Then later in the wee hours something wonderful happened. He must have listened to me.... gotten the hint & maybe he had been wondering himself too. Somehow we reconnected in a way we had not since we were dating. YES, exactly what I had been wondering..... was it still there. Yes, it was & it was wonderful. I am not talking about a sex act, I am talking about passion, heat, goose bumps, excitement. Ever since then, we have been so close. We have both been walking in love with each other. He knocked my socks off last night.... I was supposed to paint a dining room table he built for me for my store. The 2 year old was really really horrible as he was extremely tired & hubby had so much work to do. So I didn't do it, I kept the baby away from everyone & then fell asleep with him. I was supposed to paint after I put him to sleep. It HAD to be done. I didn't do it. Too tired, I had been up 3 hours in the middle of the night with my mom who's defibrillator had gone off at 2am. Long story, she's okay now. Anyway, I woke up at midnight, hubby is usually still working. I put Braxy in the crib & peeked out. Hubby was no where in sight. I check the whole house, no hubby. Now for some reason, suspicion crept in & for whatever reason I started to assume he was up to no good & hiding somewhere. I am nuts, yes. Then it hit me.... I peeked through a window in my home that overlooks the garage window, there he was, painting my table at midnight. After a wave of guilt washed over me I was so touched. I felt so honored to be his wife. Isn't it wonderful to know love & passion is a resource that is renewable? It is never too late for love. It is never too late to fix what is broken, God has blessed us greatly with the ability to love. That is what we have been commanded to do. Love others as He has loved us. Love one another as we would want to be loved. I did not disturb him, he was doing something special for me & I did not want to spoil it. I kept thinking about all the things in my life that maybe I have lost, personality traits, etc. It's not too late, a renewing of the mind & spirit is a gift from God. We need only to embrace it & the gift is ours, He has already given it to us.
If there is something in your life that needs renewing, it is never too late. Pray about it & go for it. Jesus came that we would have life & have it more abundantly. God did not fill us full of resources that extinguish & then can be no more. Our gifts from the Almighty are renewable! Thank you Jesus, thank you Lord for showing me one more beautiful lesson. Thank you for teaching me that it is never too late to renew anything you have given to us. Love, love all you can, with all your heart & soul. And lastly, thank you for a husband that can still give me goosebumps & tingles. Hee hee, I had to say it.