Friday, January 9, 2009

HOPE, Part 3

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

This scripture keeps coming to me. First I found it and I want to say I even did a post about it? Did I? I think so.... too rushed to look now. But I want to say it was no more than 2 weeks ago and since then it has been put in front of my face countless times. Either I keep coming across it myself or my wonderful friends send it to me and this morning there it was on my Facebook page from a friend who really doesn't know me that well. Obviously God is trying to tell me something do ya think?

I never really thought much about this scripture before two weeks ago when it just jumped out at me. I think it was in a devotional. (Please forgive scatterbrained Jenn, I have too much in my head and if something new comes in then something has to come out. The parking deck is full!)But is sang to me. I have experienced the renewing of my strength. The first part of the scripture. I am ready to soar like an eagle!! I want to, but shouldn't all this bad poop stop so I can leave the runway? They will run and not grow weary. I have experienced that for certain through many trials. Divorce, rape, a dying child (she's 9 now!), and through this last year. I know how that feels, God's grace is a gift. They will walk and not be faint. I have experienced this in the past and have felt this gift since the last of November. I don't know that I have ever soared like an eagle. I guess you can interpret that in a few different ways. Since I am not sure what that means I am assuming I have not soared. I want to. What is God trying to tell me? Is it not to lose my hope in him and He will take me through this poo and it will be okay? Okay, I'm doing that because what I am walking through could be just devastating. My body hurts from the stress. Bankruptcy? Are you kidding me? I always pay my bills. I've been fighting this for a year now.... I just want it done. I can't help but be a little cynical about this scripture being in my life. Why you ask? I don't want to be cynical..... but...... something obnoxious just always seems to be happening to me/us. That's why. Is this scripture like the carrot dangling in front of the horse to get it to move? Does the horse ever get the carrot?

I've said it before, about the only poo I haven't had to endure is hemorrhoids, drugs, and alcohol abuse. Please, Lord, no hemorrhoids. I'm like.... okay, Jenn you can do this one more time. Hope, it was a huge theme for me awhile back as anyone who reads this blog may remember. I was blogging about how themes of HOPE kept coming up. I even posted a note on my Facebook about it and I know several posts about HOPE. Now that God has worked on me with having the hope what does He show me next? This scripture:
" Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

So it's like He told me to have the hope and then he showed me how to have it again. Now I have the hope and now He is trying to tell me what to do with it. Is that it? Did I get it right? Somebody please tell me!! I want to get this right.

I keep thinking I have to continually go through poo because maybe I'm not getting it right. But then I know the word says I don't have to deserve his love, he freely gives it. I know He has done works in me and I do what I feel God is compelling me to do. I just still have a nagging feeling that I don't have a peaceful life because of something I am doing wrong and I don't know what it is. If somebody knew what I was getting wrong I sure wish they would share it with me so I could have some peace finally. I'm not rotten or anything. I tell you what.... I'm gonna do this hope thing. I'm gonna fight, but please God. Can I have the carrot when we are done traveling down the road you are trying to move me down? Please please please.

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