Friday, April 24, 2009

Faith versus Fear

Look at him run!! He saw the camera & couldn't get away fast enough. What a dork!! ha ha

I am still in love with my built in cases. I can't believe I didn't paint these a long time ago. i had a good time on my other work blog talking about painting these guys.

it's been a rough couple of days around here. I have been having to put my faith up in the boxing ring up against it's arch nemesis Fear. I am wanting to worry but I can't let myself. God is supplying & just in the nick of time today. Each time I begin to worry about our finances I remember watching Beth Moore say that where ever your mind spews worry, that is where you do not trust God. I have spent too much time learning to trust Him & how to do it that I can't not put it into application when it really counts, you know? Mike is working so hard. Harder than anyone should have to & lately he is at his breaking point. I am so proud of him. I have been praying so hard that Jesus would just walk along with him throughout the day & hold Mike's hand. Sometimes a man just needs another man.

Money is just a big issue & I think maybe God is showing me that in the biggest area of our lives where we have been totally self sufficient & not relied on God for provision that we now need to do that. Since the layoff 2 years ago (this June) (June 10th actually at 8:15 Eastern Standard Time) money has been HUGE as it either no longer existed or there wasn't enough or it has just barely trickled in just in time! Money keeps being with held from us too, so that makes me think maybe this is a lesson I should be learning. Or learning to truly apply what I have learned at least. The lady who bought (I use that term loosely) my fixtures from my store hasn't paid me anywhere close to being on time yet. She also changed the amount she agreed to pay me monthly to half. She tells me the check is in the mail, then she tells me she mailed it to the wrong address. She has a 1000 different lies. I could respect her if she would just be honest with me. But here I am once again possibly not being able to have food to feed my kids & she owes me thousands & she is rich. Today is the last day's worth of food I have and I was penniless really until a check came in from one of hubby's clients at 1:30. Sigh of relief. She emailed me to say she couldn't pay me once again for April's payment yesterday & I wanted so bad to email her back and tell her that when she went home to her million dollar plus home & her housekeeper in her $50,000 veicle that my kids would be going without food because of her greed. I know for a fact that they are loaded & money is still rolling in for them. Why are people so greedy? She knows I can't afford a lawyer to sue her so she is going to rip me off I am sure. I will be shocked if I ever see half of what she owes me. I wish I was doing fine with money so I could just tell her to keep my fixtures. I would rather not have the money than become her bill collector.

Anyhoo, Faith so far is winning against Fear. Faith has sustained a few upper cuts but it's had Fear on the ropes ever since. Thankfully I have Jesus in my corner cheering me on. It's amazing how close to someone you can get if you actually talk to them regularly. I have to remember that. I am just so tired of money.

After a week of boxing Fear I am just so grateful to say that I am not defeated. I feel blessed. God supplied just enough and just in time. I had 30 minutes to spare to get that check deposited to be credited today!! Who Hoo. It is such a priviledge that He loves me enough to teach me. It is a priviledge to watch Him at work. I feel like a lucky ducky today.

Oh, and boy am I tired & sore. I spent yesterday & the day before doing clean up from one of hubby's remodeling jobs on a daycare. Oh. Good. Lord. cleaning people do NOT get paid enough money to work that hard. I also had to clean a shower that contained things no human should have to touch. I feel certain that I shall be feeling the effects of some horrible disease from that shower. BLAH!!!! Pray for me!! Shivers...... that shower was gross. But it was great to help him. Because it was a daycare I took Braxton & Brandon with me and they played on the playground all day while I worked both days. It was just us so it was perfect.

Well, my homeschooler is slacking (again) so I have to go be Ms. Teacher. I baked cupcakes last night too for my daughter's class party today. Oh, my didn't I feel so special? Miss. Domestic, yes please. I just love being a momma at home.

1 comment:

BECKY said...

Hi Jennifer,

I am so sorry that you have been having such a rough time. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I can say I will pray for you, friend. Have you ever heard that saying "Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered and Fear fled"? Sounds exactly like what you've been doing!!

I don't know how much longer things will be ok at my hubby's work either. We'll see. His company does plumbing electrical and mechanical design for buildings, and work is def. slow.

Your built-ins are gorgeous!!
Blessings and (((HUGS)))