A Change of Perspective

Look how pretty she looks after big sis has done her up in style..... ah, good times.

I have been a terrible blogger this week. I think I posted only once? So much going on right now. My mind is scattered and it is hard to keep a thought straight. I've had a headache since Monday and that little bugger is still here. I think it is the stress. But I have to say, I tried doing what I posted about previously where Lysa said this: "Each time I feel my heart being pulled down into the pit of ungratefulness and grumbling, I recognize it as a call to draw near to the Lord.". So as it spoke to me I thought I should give it a try. You know what? It works!! What a comfort this has been through a trying week. I have made no secret of the financial hell my family is in and for whatever reason the last couple of weeks have been the worst since the layoff even. Yesterday I learned my ex husband just got laid off too. Child Support?? Need I say more. Oh boy. Well, it's been a tough hurtle to jump over but we do see a light at the end of the tunnel. We were going to go to church last night per hubby's request (whohoo!!) but a power generator he needs for today broke and he had to go buy parts and fix it. I was a little confused because I would have thought God would have made a way for him to be in church but God knows best. Also, now that he is truly seeking relationship our life is getting worse financially. Which I find odd timing. He seems to not be losing heart though.

My husband almost died yesterday, he said to me "The Lord was with me today.". I was a little freaked out. It has to do with electricity and ground wires and the power not being cut off when they were told it was and funky wiring but let's just say there was a big POW, lots of electricity and the wire cutters hubby was holding are now welded shut. He should be dead, but he was able by a miracle to release the cutters and the flow was diverted from his body. He said they were all so freaked out they were leaving work early. He said not only are the wire cutters welded shut but Al's underwear is welded to his butt. Ha ha, Al is a co worker and a friend. I laughed so hard. Boy Lord, thank you for saving my hubby. Yesterday could have been a disaster for my family.

It got me thinking about perspectives after that news. How great was yesterday after learning what we could have lost? Before that I was trying not to worry about having food for next week and paying car payments. At the moment we are being cheated from income due to us. If we were getting paid then we could pay our bills. But we are not and one of the people is just so stinking rich. I told her even that I had no money to buy my kids food last week and she said what do you want me to do about it? I said, well, you could pay me some of what you owe me! She is loaded. She said her personal finances have nothing to do with her business finances and her business could not afford to pay me what she owes me and I just would have to wait. I told her I would have to go to a food bank to be able to have food (which was true at the time) and I thought to myself if she is a decent human being she will tell me to come get $100 to feed my kids from her personal funds. She did not. Oh God, I pray I for her soul. How lost must you be to covet your money so much that you would let a family go without food knowing you are rich? I have already given her up to God. I just pray for her now. A change of perspective takes away my anger and allows me to pray for her.

I used to love my stuff until Hurricane Andrew came and took it all away. I learned quickly stuff is not all that important. Never did covet too much stuff after that. Change of perspective.

I used to think God didn't want to use me until Lysa TerKeurst's words to just say yes to God daily and then listen. To be obedient even if you don't want to. Now I am constantly on the lookout for God's still voice. A change of perspective.

I was speaking with my son yesterday while helping him do a bible class for his home school. He said he hated the class because he has to do about four 250 word essays a week. I said but look at how much you have learned. He said I could have learned it all from you. Then I realized how much I actually do know but don't share with my kids. A change of perspective, I need to teach my kids more and study with them more. They may teach me a thing or two also. Why should I be hoarding all my hard fought knowledge to myself?

So much is changing and I have to say this process has taken it's toll on me. I would have to say that I would go through it again to have what we have now as far as our family being closer and our relationship with God being so amazing. The place God has brought us is an amazing place. But I am just so stinkin tired. I'm just so tired. And yet I am blessed so I must just continue to draw near to him. I can't afford my bills and can barely find a way to feed my family each week but hearing of what happened to Mike Tyson's daughter..... oh what horrible pain that family must be in. What right do I have to complain when my children are here with me? A change of perspective.

I heard something funny on CNN yesterday. They were saying the recession may be over. Well, I would like it to be but there sure aren't any jobs around here. I have a great resume as far as retail goes and I sure never got a call back. They are always interviewing employers around here and they all say the same thing. 500 people will show up for one opening. Good heavens. I help the hubby with his accounting. He can't do it all himself. It's me or hire a secretary he says. Well, we can't afford a secretary so I guess I have a job working for him. It's all in the perspective.

The pastor said on Sunday something I had not heard in awhile and frankly forgot about. "Without faith it is impossible to please God." Which took me directly to Beth Moore's words. "Wherever your mind is spewing worry, that is where you do not trust God." Not trusting is a lack of faith. So as long as I worry about our finances this is not pleasing to God. Something always comes so in the face of it all I have learned more and more to look at what I am facing and give it to God. It's not my battle, it's His. As long as I am being obedient, these battles are His to fight and bring Him glory. All I have to do is listen for Him so I can do as He says and then tell everyone about how God brought me through. Sitting in the rocking chair of worry doesn't take me anywhere. So as much as it sounds like I am complaining I am not. I am just laying down my worries publicly. I am saying that I trust in Him fully. I don't worry like I used to where it was all consuming "what if" worry. But I have continued to worry. So I have to lay it down. I have to give up the worry.

Lysa TerKeurst talks about radical obedience in her book What Happens When Women Say Yes To God. It just got me thinking that why not just do it all the way? Every time we come closer to God and move up another level we love it right? Why not just go ahead and dive in full boar? What do I have to fear? God? No. So there. We gave everything of ours to God as family and now I give him the worry too. He may ask us to give up something as a test. I know that. It may be anything. I know that. But you know sometimes you just have to get in the place of knowing that whatever God wants for your life will be so much better than what you could ever want. The gleaning process is so hard. Sifting sucks. If I am honest I will admit that I am so ready to come out of this financial valley of hell. But God's timing is not our own. A sweet lady sang a song at church Sunday. It was about Jesus going to raise Lazarus. It was something like "Isn't it great, God was four days late, but he was still on time.". Isn't that so God......