Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Girl Scouts, I'm ready to talk

Okay, I'm ready to talk about the Girl Scouts thing. Mostly because I want to remember details because we aren't done with this yet. Mama is pretty angry and when mama gets riled up about her kids she doesn't take it lying down.

So as I said last week the Girl Scout leader called and wanted a private face to face meeting. She asked me not to bring Amber because she didn't want her to see me get upset. I knew then it wasn't going to be a good meeting. As it turns out she ended up talking to me over the phone because she was upset about finding out that the school was having to fire four para pros which she is one of and she knows she will probably get fired. So she does it over the phone instead which was great for me because I ended up sobbing loudly and my eyes swelled up so I probably couldn't have driven home if I was over there.

So here is the dirt and I am wondering if anyone would care to weigh in anon even what they think. I am a little biased. Okay, I am furious!! G.S.L. (Girl Scout Leader) tells me that she has had 3 girls (third graders) tell her that they will not be signing up for G.S. next year if Amber stays in the troop. She says one parent came to her after the meeting last week to say that she would not be signing up her daughter next year if Amber stays in the troop. I have no idea if this parent was a parent of one of the three girls or if this is a fourth girl. I suspect her daughter is one of the three as mom/daughter would have talked about it.

Let's stop right there. 3 girls & one parent have come to her saying they will not come back if Amber stays in the troop. At this point I am so supremely hurt and shaking. How could these girls hate my little Amber so much? So I ask her why. She tells me that she had no idea Amber's behavior was bothering the girls so much and that because of my mom's stroke and my having to close my business and the stress she has not told me about Amber's behavior in G.S. but that she didn't think it was that bad. I say, what is she doing? She says Amber gets upset a lot and feels like the girls are picking on her. She will cry if her feelings get hurt or go in a corner and cry. She pouts and crosses her arms and becomes defensive when she feels some injustice has been done to her. I ask if this happens at every meeting and she said sometimes it is just for a little moment and sometimes she has to take 10 minutes to stop Amber from crying and she said the girls all said they are tired of dealing with Amber's emotions and crying. Then she asks me something which I can't remember and I say to her that I can't answer because I am still stuck on 3 girls and one parent telling her what they did. I told her that she should have told them sorry to see you go if you feel you must. Why don't we try to work things out instead? I told her she should have told them goodbye. It is not good for little girls to learn to manipulate so early in life and they probably would not have quit anyway. I told her I thought she was being manipulated by little girls who just don't like Amber and one girl and her mom made the decision to quit the troop or say they would and she told some of her G.S. friends and they said, "yeah, we are not gonna sign back up too.". I told her she was being manipulated and she should have told the parent goodbye too. How petty of a parent to do that? There was no "I have a concern, lets try to work something out". No, it was just a flat out threat from the parent. That screams manipulation and bullying to me. Why was there no phone call or meeting to say my daughter is not enjoying G.S. like she used to. She says Amber is getting upset and it is disrupting to her and some of the other girls. What can we do? Someone who skips that process should be told goodbye in my opinion.

I told her she should have told me about this. She had been telling me things were fine with Amber. She called me in the Fall to tell me about Amber doing these things and Amber and I worked on this and she told me things were much better. So if she tells me things are fine and they are not whose fault is it?

So she tells me that she wants to see what we can do to fix things and work things out. Then in the very next breath she says she wants me to see if Amber wants to stay in G.S. . Ask her if she wants to leave? That's when I got furious. Beyond furious. Beyond wounded. Are you freaking kidding me? Basically she was letting me know she would like this to just be easy and if Amber left it would all be over and fine.

In my opinion, I don't think she should have ever told me about girls wanting to leave G.S. She made that mess, not me. I think she should not have inflicted that kind of hurt upon a mother. She did not do her due diligence by letting me know we still needed to work on Amber's pouting. I also informed her that the girls pick on Amber and that needed to be worked out too when we talked in the Fall. They still pick at her and won't let her sit with them and such many times. One of them pushed her last week. You know, I guess I am saying there is a popularity thing going on and some slight bullying also. It is not just a situation of everyone gets along wonderfully and Amber is just having random fits of pouting and crying. So I think she should have called me and said look, I haven't been honest with you. Some of the girls are complaining about taking time away from G.S. to calm Amber down and I think we need to work with her quickly. Period. Imagine if you can your coach, dance instructor, G.S. leader calling to say some of the kids want your kid gone and one parent too. Then they ask if you want to leave which is really code for "I don't want to deal with this so would you just mind leaving.". I am not a dummy. Imagine how hurt you would be if you also knew the kids pick on your kid a lot. It was just too much for me and I sobbed to hard I couldn't talk. Really, I couldn't even get my words out. It was just a jumble of blah blah blah 'cause I am sure nobody could understand me.

In the G.S. defense I know since Braxton was born Amber developed very needy tendencies. She needs attention and affirmation quite regularly. I know this and it is something we work on. Amber is a free spirit. She is creative prone to whimsey and spontaneity. She would have made a beautiful hippie. I know she can get a feeling of being wronged and pout and cross her arms and be a good pain in the butt for 5 to 10 minutes if you try to deal with her. If you choose you can ignore her pouts and she gets over it. I know this too. I know she can be a pain in the butt, I am not naive in that aspect either.

In Amber's defense she is a sweet little girl. She will hug you more than anyone has ever hugged you in your life. She has the sweetest smile (watch the video below) and loves to lift people up. It is a God given gift Amber has. She loves to make people feel special and love on them. Every one who knows her says she would make a great missionary. She loves the Lord, prays out loud & she just lives to do special things for people in need. She is the best nurse you could ask for when you are sick. If you look tired Amber will offer a back rub and foot massage. She will make you a special dessert if you are cranky after dinner. She is super sweet and loving. She is not a bully and mean. Her leader even said she has to take time out to deal with Amber sometimes but not in such a way that she ever thought it was bothering the girls. So obviously she is not completely disrupting in any way. I also talked with Amber's teacher and she said Amber never disrupts class. She just tries to mother the kids and do things for them and some times she cries and pouts when she feels like somebody did her a wrong. No big deal.

So, my conclusion is that I need to continue to work on Amber's pouting but it is nowhere close to being a disruption that would cause these girls and a mom who does not even attend meetings to say they are leaving because of Amber. My conclusion is that they just don't like her and are sick of her and want her gone. I think they are trying to manipulate the G.S. leader into asking Amber to leave. Which I told her she had fallen right into their manipulative trap. She didn't appreciate that part but what do I care at this point. I think it was a plot by a couple of girls who also got one mom to say something to get Amber to leave. I have been to G.S. meetings before and they are not quiet. Mostly they girls are talking loudly and yelling & every meeting I went to my thought was these girls are out of control and the leader spent half the time asking them to stop talking and do the project. I have seen other girls cry and pout. I know for my own eyes have seen that this behavior is not just done by Amber alone. That is why also I think she is being manipulated.

But I was so hurt and so tired of Amber being picked on. I was so tired of working on this pouting thing with Amber. Why can't she just stop? I just sobbed out that if that was how she felt about Amber that we would just leave the troop and I would be pulling her out of school and just home school her too and she could go back and tell the girls and the parent and they could all just go celebrate together and then I hung up on her. I think if she had said another word to me I would have to have driven over there and had a throw down with her. I am not a quitter and it bothers me that they are going to learn that whenever they don't like somebody they can manipulate an adult into getting rid of someone they don't like. Learning manipulation as a third grader is not good. I emailed the leader to tell her that I thought she had let herself be manipulated by third graders and a petty parent. I told her that she was teaching them manipulation and blackmail work. Whatever, I think she is a disgrace to the name of Girl Scouts and she should be trained in how to handle little petty girls. She actually called to ask us in a round about way to leave and I want so badly to call the Girl Scout people who are in charge and complain because that is a disgrace to what Girl Scouting is all about. Why couldn't they all just work together to get along? Why did she let them do that? Why didn't she just call me and say we need to work this thing out and we have to get the other girls to stop picking on Amber so she is not so sensitive too. I am so hurt and Amber is depressed. Amber is now in the school counselor's office having weekly meetings I guess. Her teacher thought it was the right thing to do since she has been kinda depressed about it at school even. She already had one session and has another on Wed.I told this leader that what she and the kids have done will probably leave a scar on Amber because she is so young. Finding out some girls in your troop want you gone and have threatened to leave if you stay is so incredibly hurtful, especially for a nine year old. Imagine if that happened to you in your Bible Study group? I would cry like a baby and I am almost 40??

Stupid freaking girl scouts and stupid freaking Girl Scout leader.

On a lighter note, my hubby has read the Bible every day for like two weeks now and you just wouldn't belive what is going on over here. Holy Cow!! I love answered prayers like these.

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