From my experience at least bold people, like myself, quite often wish to be more like their more quiet & spirit filled friends & church goers. You know those gentle & quiet souls who always have a kind word to say. Yes, we long to be like them sometimes. They are just so dang quiet.
I have questioned God so many times in the past 12 months why he has made me so bold and quite apt to rally to the defense and aid of the hurt and needy. Why do I have such a big mouth? To make things clear, when I say a big mouth I don't use it in a harsh way, I just um, like to speak up. Well, thankfully I have learned to shut my yapper in these last 12 months most of the time. I try to discern when I should speak and when I should just be silent. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Even last week I was having an innocent conversation with a friend who has a possible connection to help another friend's husband. I was about to speak and ask if maybe she could ask her hubby about helping the other friend's hubby but boy howdy did the conviction come and I knew to just be quiet. I had the feeling it would be taken more as gossip than seeking help so I did not speak. I am so thankful that God has helped me to control the tongue but still, the inclination is in me to be a bold person. Why I have wondered?
A few days ago I learned the importance and most special uses of bold people who speak up. I was in a group of ladies and we were discussing things and we were all quite happy and encouraging to each other in the things we were discussing. All of the sudden Mrs. Killjoy spoke up and after she was done silence filled our space. I could sense we were all feeling the same emotion, doubt. Mrs. Killjoy placed doubt into our hearts and we were re thinking what we had all just spoken. The joy was gone and replaced with doubt and confusion. We knew we were doing the right things & yet she placed within us the thoughts that it would fail and we were doing it wrong. Quickly the ladies scattered away and only a few remained.
I had wanted to speak up while Mrs. Killjoy was speaking and I was thinking to myself, "Hey, be quiet." But I remained silent, afraid to speak up. Quite unusual for me! After my friends scattered, all but a few and we were silently feeling quite defeated a friend began to speak. A bold friend, a sweet lady began to just speak out against that doubt and began to replace it with positive influences once again. She was speaking quickly & was breathless as she spoke, further pointing toward her passion on the subject we were on. She replaced should we with yes we can do it. She replaced will they with those who want to can & those who don't can stay home. She began boldy and breathlessly speaking YES into the situation and I could see in that moment why God makes some of us so bold. Smiles of those of us left began to fill our faces and we were once again filled with possibilities and prayerful hearts that it would be God who annoints something to be right, and not our efforts.
You know, I learned it's not so bad to be bold. I could see and heard a few confessions of a couple ladies who are very quiet people that they wanted so badly to speak up. I thought, boy, I don't normally have a problem doing that! I'm so glad I have a bold friend who doesn't mind speaking up. I'm so glad God showed me that my boldness is not a weakness as long as I am looking for discernment as to when to be bold and don't fight it when I know I should speak. There were some really great things that could have died right there in that room we shared if not for a bold person. I'm not gonna lie though, I think I shall always be slightly envious of those gentle quiet souls but if they should ever need someone to speak up, I guess they know who to call (snort snort).
I just thought it was really cool of God to point that out to me that it was a gift that I was fighting and not a curse. He has made us who we are for a reason. Is there something about yourself that you just can't understand? God has a purpose for it, truly He does. Why not embrace it and ask Him just what He wants you to be doing with it?