Thursday, September 10, 2009

That Whole Submitting to Our Husbands Thing....

I saw something on CNN this morning that got me thinkin...

Ephesians 5:22-33 talks about the roles of husbands and wives.

We ladies for the most part like to avoid this part of the Bible at various times in our lives, myself included. But I have a question for Paul. What does a woman do if she is married to a man who does not do his part of Ephesians 5?

To be fair to my husband, he is doing his part so this isn't really about him but it is about all of us at one time or another or for some of us all of the time. So the question remains, if you are a nice Christian lady who wants to submit to your husband as unto the Lord and submit to the fact that your husband is the spiritual leader in the home and respect him like Ephesians 5 tells you to do but your husband just isn't interested in that whole part about his role, what is a godly woman to do?

What if you work full time also but your husband: never cleans, hardly or never cooks, isn't aware that the children have to be "bathed" by actually putting them in a tub and "washing" them, he only comes to the laundry room to find clothes and has been known to complain that you haven't washed what he is looking for, comes home & sits down and asks what's for dinner, never grocery shops or complains when he has to..... you get the point. 'Cause that's where most ladies live, in that house. He makes little to no decisions involving what actually goes on with the children's lives or your own for that matter but if he is a Christian will claim that "I am the leader of this household" role when it suits his purposes leaving the wife angry and frustrated.

I've been in that house, for certain. It is difficult but the anger and frustration we tuck away or let out in little verbal snipes comes across as bitter nagging to them further keeping them from doing what we desire because they see it as a lack of respect. And isn't respect what men want? Women want love, men want respect. Paul says we should respect our husbands and they should love us.

The first time my husband brought this up to me I was shocked! He said men, including him, wanted respect more than love. I thought that was outrageous! I also thought if he wanted me to respect him more then maybe he should show me some respect around our home by not living like he was at an all inclusive resort with maid and meal staff on hand. I thought, yeah, good luck with that buddy. And so nothing changed much for years. I yearned for that Ephesians 5 marriage and I don't know what he was yearning for but it was not for what he was getting I am sure. A tired, over worked and angry wife.

This past Valentines Day I was a very disappointed wife once again. Sigh. So I began for the first time to actually pray hard about it. I began actively involving God in my marriage. I began looking for ways to first change myself to what I believed was my biblical role but also doing things I knew would please him. Sometimes I wanted to give up, I started it wrong of course too, I wanted to be cherished so I cherished him. He did not respond to that in any way, probably because oh yeah, I forget, he wanted respect first. I was the one wanting to be cherished. But I began telling him things a wife needs to say to her husband to let him know he is appreciated, respected and also loved. I told him I was proud of him for all he does for us. It took awhile, but eventually my prayers were answered.

When I fully gave myself and my marriage over to God he actually showed up in it. He also got a hold of my husband, lol. We are not perfect, we never will be but it is so much more wonderful when your hubby begins to love you and love you as his own self like Ephesians 5 says to. He appreciates me too, he can acknowledge the food got to his plate not by wait staff or that it was just there, but that I planned the meal, shopped for it, saved money while I planned & shopped for it, and then cooked it (even though I hate hate hate to cook). That is a huge difference when someone actually appreciates what you do.

Selfishness is a real killer. It is deadly in a marriage. I heard that California state rep. (R) on CNN this morning reveling in his affairs with a colleague not realizing his mic was on and he was being recorded. What a toad! Is flogging still legal? Oh, his poor wife.

Are you submitting to your husband as unto the Lord? If you are not, please try it. I did and I am so glad I did it. But, I have to say, never be a doormat. You need to be praying hard for your marriage, for both of you. Ask God to work in both of you but also show you what you need to do before he does a thing. Begin with yourself. The end is worth it. I didn't tell my husband what I was doing, mostly because he would have just said "okay" and laughed at me. Who is laughing now? Me. I got the man I wanted.

Could he clean more? Yes . But does he do other things he never used to do? Yes. Does he show his love for me and appreciate me now? Yes. Does he do laundry? No, and he stinks at it so stay away from my dryer pal. Does he kiss me every day and tells me he loves me now? Yes.

Pray hard for your marriages. Submit to the Lord. Submit your marriage to the Lord. Submit to your husband as unto the Lord. Respect him, do nice things for him. Smile, men like that.

For years I worked with all men, do you know what those men did all day at work? They would fart, burp, snack, lust after women, have farting & burping contests and then some more lusting and in between all that they are constantly "adjusting themselves." I would just shake my head & then say "Lord, you want me to submit to that?" Good grief. But they also talked about their wives, I learned a lot. Men hate to go home after work to do more work. I told them so do women. They said yeah but the difference is that the women will still do it. I learned they don't have deep sleep issues and can actually hear that baby crying in the night. They just don't want to get up, they are waiting us out ladies, lol. They hate when wives criticize their bodies. They said they don't notice half of what we complain about until we point it out. They don't like moodiness. They like some down time when they walk in the door. They want respect. They don't like to be told what to do. They don't like to be treated or talked to like we do the kids. Some women say they shouldn't act like kids, maybe, but are we trying to fix what we do or justify it?

We ladies aren't always fun either. We are moody. We always want something. yada yada.

I was reminded this morning after listening to that California State Rep (R) (it's always the Republicans cheating these days! Isn't that the family values party?) laughing over his plentiful sex with another woman or two that I still need to be praying hard for my marriage. I need to keep God in my marriage. I need to let my hubby know I respect him. I need to pray for him because this can't be an easy world to live in for a good Christian husband. Pray pray pray ladies.


♥luvin♥this♥life♥ said...

Ah, Girl... get me where it hurts! My hubby does very well in the 'loving' department, I get kisses every morning before he leaves for work, and I get hugs every day as he walks in the door, and yet, I find myself bitter over the things he DOESN'T do. You are exactly right though. There is much that I do NOT do for him. He has flat out told me time and again that he sometimes feels like I do the exact opposite of what he wants, and that makes him feel very disrespected. (meanwhile, I didnt even realize that I had done it) Making the Lord the center of our marriage is often a daily struggle. I find it easy to look to Him for my own issues, but forget to include him when it comes to family or spouse issues. Thank you for the reminder and the encouragement!

Shelby said...

Love this post. I did the praying for my husband to change for a LONG LONG time to no avail. It wasn't until I started praying to the Lord to change ME that things began to change in our home and in our marriage.

I hadn't heard about the rep on CNN but, oh, how sad...

dawnkristine said...

You are just so right on all avenues here! Thank you for this AWESOME reminder today. PS Update to my comment last night, I HATE, HATE, HATE to cook

Heart2Heart said...

This would be so much easier for all of us women if our hubbies would go first and make the changes to become the man God wanted them to be, but the truth is more often than not, it's us women that notice things and once we submit ourselves to God, our husbands can't help but notice.

Sure they may pass it off as a one time thing but if we just endure, God will bless our efforts and it will be worth it all in the end.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Danielle said...

This is one of those posts that you hate to love to hear.LOL This is something Kevin and I have been working on for some time now. Giving respect is not easy for me. Heck, giving love isn't either. *sigh* Giving anything isn't I'm so selfish sometimes.

Mary Ellen ~ Carolina Momma said...

Great post and definitely something I need to reflect on!