Friday, November 20, 2009

Ezer Kenegdo Discussion Part 3

Yesterday's post helped bring some things together for me as I was writing. I am always one to get into deep thought & study on things & this topic has been fun for me. I was wanting to talk about God's image today. That when God created man & woman he also created us to reflect His image in different ways. Many people think that for man & woman to be equals they have to be the same. Not true. We are equal but we are made to complimemt each other. We are corresponding pieces to each other. We are meant to work together as men & women both have different strengths that together work beautifully as one.

Yesterday I briefly brought up romance & how women just love romance. God is the ultimate romantic! That is a part of who God is that women reflect.

Women are all about the journey, men are all about the end goal. We love to dream as little girls about who we will marry, what will our life be like, when will I find Mr. Right & all the glorious things a little girl can dream of her life being like with her husband. God is all about the journey too. Can't you just see Him looking down on us and desiring the day when we will find Him. He longs for all the things that we will do with Him, He longs to live in us & send us His Holy Spirit. Yes, God loves the journey also. Another part of God's heart we reflect. Men like to make fun of us for our romanticism but you know ladies, that is part of God & His image that He gave to us. I asked my husband a few years back if he could be more romantic & he looked at me very confused and said "But I already did that?" So I was thinking "You aren't supposed to stop dear." Hence the truth in women love the journey and men the end goal. He romanced me & he got me. He was done.

Men need women and women need men. We are not meant to be alone. The gift of marriage is a precious one & yet half or more of marriages end in divorce. I wonder how many times I have heard people say that marriage should only last legally 5 years and then it has to be renewed or it expires. I believe there have been bills crafted in our Congress to this effect but they always get shot down & not put to a vote. The point is that the sanctity of marriage is no longer sanctified to many of us. We as a society do not treat it as the precious gift that it is.

Ultimately if we are to have happy marriages we need to love & respect each other, we need to be concerned with our spouses happiness & seek to please them. This is a two way street. Women and men have different love languages & if I am to show my love for my husband then I need to do something that he will appreciate and enjoy. I need to not just say I love you to him, men want respect more than love according to just about everyone & the bible even says women respect your husbands and husbands love your wives. So when I say "Honey, I am so proud of you." to him I just said "I love you." When I say "Honey, the yard looks great!" after he mows to him I just said "I love you." For me, he needs to say "I love you." not a thumbs up on the yummy pot roast. He needs to make an effort to spend time alone with me or compliment me on the things I do & I need to do that for him. I need to be just as concerned about his happiness as mine if not more and he needs to be just as concerned about my happiness as his if not more. What ever we do we should do as unto the Lord. Yes, even in our marriages.

Here is another journey/end goal example. Men (mostly) want sex. Women (mostly) are too tired & don't. Especially women who work & have lazy husbands who do not fulfill what they should around the house. Being about the journey..... we want them to have done someting nice for us or said some nice things to us throughout the day to you know, um, maybe put our minds in the mood? Sex for women begins in the mind. But, if they want to achieve their end goal they need to get off the lazy boy, ha ha and do some work around the house & start complimenting their wives. I'll never forget the man who every single Friday stopped by the floral dept. at p@blix where I was a produce manager. He always came and got me because I would wrap his flowers special & make pretty bows for him. He bought his wife soemthing different every Friday but he always came home with some type of flower bouquet. He did not want them in the plastic wrapper they come in, he wanted to make it special for his wife. First it was a beautiful gesture to stop on his way home & buy her flowers. But don't think for a second that this woman did not realize that he had to go a step further by asking someone to wrap flowers special for him & make a special bow. He was truly showing her his love for her by making it speical & personalized. She had a great love of fresh flowers & he brought them to her to make her happy. He did joke to me once that it was not only worth the time & expense to make her happy because in return she made him a very happy man & he said this with a BIG GRIN! Meaning, well you know. He was well supplied shall we say by his wife who in return loved him back the way he wanted. Hee hee hee.

Some people are lucky enough to have marriages that do function this way. I have heard from two of you that have said so and I would love to tell you how happy I am for you!! What a treasure! Unfortunately this is not the case for the majority. Also, I just can't emphasize enough that marriage is not about the woman "doing for her man" as this study as taken me. It is about a joint love effort. God did not make us to be servants or to be told to know our place as I have heard countless times from ladies. I know a woman whose husband makes terrible financial decisions & keeps their home in poverty because of his wild spending. She says because he is the head of their home that she cannot say anything. Sigh. Good grief. Girl, yes you can! We are Ezer Kenegdo's not doormats, not servants & this whole women are less than stuff makes me crazy.

It truly does! For instance yesterday I worked hard around the house. I dove into the kids playroom where surely something could have eaten me. Dangerous territory!! I cleaned & shined stuff. I lit candles to make the home smell nice like I do every day. I laundred & put clothes away. Took care of a dog I don't like.... & then shuttled 2 kids to karate to return at a what was almost "dinner time". I left every single ingredient out for dinner except the chicken out on the counter. Hint hint. Well I returned home & nothing had been cooked even though a capable husband who did not work yesterday & a 17 year old were home watching TV. I told them all I was not cooking their dinner & they could eat frozen pizzas. Hmph. I deserved better & I let them know it. Nothing wrong with that.

It's funny because I taught on this defintion of woman & chatted about it with other ladies I know & several women have told me that they had been "secretly having these thoughts" and they felt so happy to know other women thought these things too. I was so happy to have opened this discussion but so saddened too at the state some women live in. Why also do we as Christians (some of us) create and environment where we cannot talk to our Christian friends about theology we have a hard time with, such as the whole help meet thing. They never said anything & just lived like they thought they were supposed to and you know what? They don't like it one bit. They serve and serve and do and do and I asked does your husband do anything special for you also? Sadly the answer was no. Um, I had to control my tongue. But we discussed ways to change that. We are special, men are special and we need to treat each other as such.

Well, my Braxton turns 3 today so I am off to play with my birthday boy!!! I hope you all have a wonderful day as I know I will. I can't believe my baby is growing up!! Alas, before he leaves home my now 17 year old will probably be supplying me with grandchildren to play with. :)



Heart2Heart said...

Please pass along my birthday blessings to Braxton and hoping that you two get out and enjoy the day celebrating.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat


God bless you

with love -dickson