Thursday, December 10, 2009

Rich People Eat The Grossest Food

I thought I would share something about myself today. Hope that's okay. Since I'm a funny kind of gal, let's make it something amusing shall we?

When I was younger I always knew that whatever I became when I grew up, I didn't want to be rich. Yep, that's right, I did not want to be rich. Not for the noble reasons you may think.....

Rich people eat the GROSSEST food.

Growing up in Miami, of course there is a lot of money lying around. My father belonged to a "fishing club" wink wink, mostly they fished but sometimes it was an excuse to go off and club it and chase the gals, but that's another story, lol. Well, most of those guys were very well off and every time we went to their homes to eat we always hit the Burger King before or after because ewwwwww gross, the food was unrecognizable. I mean what was that funky sauce or goo on top of my food? Why can't they just eat what middle class people eat?

Even in my treasured Harlequin romance books I loved to read as a teenager ( I snuck them) when they listed the meals the heroine was sharing with her rich bachelor it was something none of us would ever eat, right? Mostly I just read it and thought ewwwwwww, gross. I sure do hope I am never rich one day, I'll starve to death!!! We had some family that was not hurting for cash, same thing, if we ever went over for dinner we had to hit the Burger King to get some food or mom cooked before hand.

Why is it that rich people love freaky sauces and what is up with all the crazy dips and cheese balls? The last cheese ball I saw was coated with jelly and then rolled in almonds. I get a baby barf just remembering the hideous thing. Pine nuts, is there a status thing with the pine nuts? Rich people love pine nuts. In my best Chris Rock voice I want to say in these situations "Can't a girl just get some meatloaf?" Hee hee hee. Rich people love encrusted things. The only crust I have is on my bread, snort snort.

Raspberries, have you ever noticed rich people love raspberries? Oh yes they do. They will do whatever it takes to put a raspberry on something. Apparently putting a raspberry on something gives it an instant status boost. Don't get me wrong, at their peak season I like an occasional raspberry but I can guarantee you right now that on Peachtree Battle road here in downtown Atlanta there are raspberries in every mini mansion. I think they gossip about you if you don't keep them in the fridge at all times.

Fresh lemons are a given, if you are rich and you do not have fresh lemons on the table, on the food, in the glasses of tea and in a decorative urn immediate excommunication proceedings are held. Fresh lemons are basic 101 in rich people entertaining. I heart me some lemons though.

There MUST be a dip with "things" in it.

Mozzarella, provolone, cheddar and American cheeses are out. Things like goat cheese, blue cheese, and other assorted non American non middle class cheeses will be served.

Duck, lamb and veal instead of beef & chicken. Pot pie? Only if it has lobster in it.

Potato chips, Doritos? Nope, you will get Bagel Chips or Pita Chips at a rich person's house. Cheetos or Cheese Nips, no way baby, a cheddar cheese stick in a gourmet box from the supermarket deli is the delight of the rich person's snack palette.

I was at a rich person's house a few weeks ago to do lunch and was I ever so grateful for the rolls, turkey and roast beef because everything else on the table I either couldn't tell what it was or it was just the GROSSEST thing ever! It once again reaffirmed my childhood stance that I can simply never be rich or I would just starve to death. It might do me some good to be rich for a little bit, I need to lose a few pounds.

Well, I hope you enjoyed getting to know me a little ha ha. I know I know, I have some issues.

Jenn

6 comments:

Mary Ellen ~ Carolina Momma said...

How funny! I giggled about the cheese balls. Dave and I were just talking about our Christmas Eve menu and cheese ball was #1 on his list. It's not Christmas for him without a cheese ball LOL!

But I have to admit, I LOVE blue cheese. I like cheddar, mozzarella, provolone, swiss and goat cheese too. But I love blue cheese like I love chocolate. It's just that good to me LOL!

Heart2Heart said...

Jenn,

I loved this post and you are so right. I'd never thought of it before until you wrote this. Imagine them serving Macaroni and Cheese with some hot dogs on the side. NOT!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Blue Creek Home said...

Too funny! I instantly thought of cheese whiz or whatever that yummy cheese in a can is called!!!! Never would you find that in a rich house!

Rhonda

Kelly's Ideas said...

Very true post - funny. I like the basics - when I go to an "upper class" restaurant - I find it hard to find something that sounds good..lol

Love to you
Kelly

Janean said...

LOL. guess it's not the taste that counts as much as the cost! i've also known some "upper crust" who brag about their sophisticated palate -- oh pleeeze!

Violeta said...

Hello from Romania ,
please read the blog – My heart His words – at archive blog please look at November - Humbled and Convicted-

, my friend Tammy Nischan wrote them the story and some pictures of some hungryes poors kids , what we try to help them for Christmas .Our LORD will be so proud of us if we will do something! Many kids dont have food ,or Christmas tree becouse theu are so poors ! I fight so much to help this kids but i cant alone ~ if anyoane wants to know much more or wish to help in anyway you can please let me know email me at :

tibivio72@yahoo.com
I love you blog,
sweet blessings and MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Violeta