Sunday, May 9, 2010

To Canoe Or Not To Canoe 12th wedding anniversary is this coming Sunday, May 16. I was hoping to take a trip up to Helen and go canoeing but Mike has major issues with his back so that was cancelled. We honeymooned in Helen and went canoeing and there was a little "incident" and I was hoping to redeem myself. I guess it will have to wait. It's a miracle we are married at all much less still married after "the incident" ha ha. I had forgotten all about our little canoe trip until a few weeks ago when I was teasing him about a movie I had just watched.

Have you ever seen The Notebook? Our cable had gone out and it was the only movie we had that I hadn't seen so I popped it in. LOVED that movie!!!!!!!!!! So I was teasing Mike about his inability to be romantic and asked him if he would take me out in a boat on a lake filled with pretty birds......(if you've seen the movie you'd understand what I am talking about.). Boy, he didn't even hesitate to say "HELL NO! The last time I took you out on a boat you left me for dead". I clearly remember my mouth dropping open. I forgot about the "incident" but he sure hadn't. He brings it up but lately not so much. I forgot about it. He has not. So after a few moments of feeling slightly ashamed of myself I laughed like a hyena. He was not so amused.

You see, I don't do bodies of water that are not pools. Nope. No thank you. After a little "incident" at Daytona Beach when I was young and my friend Tasha saved my life (thank you again Tasha!!!!! I'm so glad you didn't know there were sharks around me or I may be dead ha ha) Anyhoo, ever since Tasha dragged my traumatized drowning thought sharks were about to eat me tail out of the ocean I don't go in the water past my knees. EVER. What about a river you say? HECK NO. I cannot stand to be in water that I can't see clearly what is around me or know there may possibly be something that can eat me nearby. I saw the sharkies, they were checking me out deciding whether they wanted to eat me when Tasha grabbed me. That was close enough for me. I'd like to not see anymore hungry sharks thank you. So.....there have only been 2 times since that time in Daytona when I ended up in non pool water up to my neck and neither time went well.

The first time my dad begged and pleaded with me to get back into the ocean. I think I was around 15 when I gave in to his begging. We were just off the coast of Homestead, FL and I gave it a go. I immediately panicked and about killed my dad climbing on top of him trying to get out of the water and back in our boat. I still remember that feeling of terror. My dad says he is pretty sure I ran on top of the water. The second time was on my honeymoon with Mike and our canoe overturned. Worse yet, it was my fault the canoe overturned.

I don't do danger. I get no adrenaline rush from danger thank you very much. He picked the "light rapids" canoe trip. I told him that was not a good idea so maybe the overturned canoe was partly his fault too? Do I need to mention he is a danger man? Why we are together......who knows. We are opposites. Complete opposites. So......I lean the wrong way and the stupid canoe overturns on some "light rapids". Light rapids my butt. The first thing I remember is the shock of the cold water. When my head came up out of the water I gasped for air and I swear it felt like something cold and hard locked around my lungs and I couldn't breathe easily. I think it may have had something to do with the freezing water? So, here we both are in freezing water, barely able to breathe and being dragged down the "light rapids". It hurt from the rocks cutting into me and everything happened so fast that when we started to get into more calm water but were still being dragged down "lighter rapids" I realized I was up to my neck in water that was not a pool. AHEM. Not good.

I made my way to the canoe as fast as I could and I won't lie.....I was all about saving myself. I never thought about team work, nope, I just knew I had to get out of the water. Mike was all like "Jenn, wait for me." I was like "Hell no." I wasn't waiting for poo, I had to get out of the water. Shame on me. I know, I know. What can I say? I completely freak out when I am in the water. I told him so. He believes me now. You think?

So he teased me relentlessly the rest of the honeymoon that I was trying to kill him and that I tried to leave him for dead. So, I felt appropriately guilty and ashamed. I don't do water if it's not a pool.

I asked him 2 weeks ago if he would go back to Helen with me and go canoeing on that same trip again. He didn't pause for a second to say "HELL NO." Quite loudly I might add. I told him I wanted to redeem myself and he practically hung up on me, ha ha. About 5 minutes later he called me back to ask if I had taken out an insurance policy on him! The nerve!!! Sheesh, you leave a man for dead once and he can't let a girl live it down.

I almost had him caved in to doing it when he threw his back out. Maybe next year? I am sure I will freak out on the rapids again and over turn the canoe so I should have the opportunity to work together this time to save us instead of leaving him in the dust. Hee hee. I am a strong swimmer if nothing else. I am sad we are not going back to Helen to canoe. I was looking forward to it.

You know, it may be a good thing. The last time Mike was going to take me out on water we went to Lake Allatoona on a friends boat to try it out. He wanted Mike to buy it. We were all excited to go out on the lake, all 3 kids were psyched. We had a whole big picnic packed up, tubing stuff to attach to the boat, floats, the whole shebang. Mike said he'd put the boat in the water and come around for us on the dock. So we stood watching him put the boat in the water and shove off. There was a lot of people there 'cause it was a beautiful Saturday morning and such. After a few moments I noticed him having trouble with the boat. It wasn't very long, as in moments, before the boat began to sink. Yes, sink. I am laughing so hard as I am typing this. I swear, it was one of the funniest things I ever saw in my life. Poor Mike was trying to get the boat back into the dock area to save it and the boat was filling up with water. At one point the engine was still somewhat barely moving the boat and Mike was floating inside the boat as he was holding onto the wheel steering it. I swear, I thought I would die from laughter. Have you ever seen someone in a sinking boat almost completely filled up with water floating and kicking their feet in the water as they steered it in? Oh my. He was not a happy camper. It was also a little embarrassing because there were so many people watching. If a hole had opened up and swallowed us it would have been fine with me. So Brandon calmly says "Well, I guess we aren't going boating today." as his dad swim pushes the boat back to shore. I laughed harder. Oh, what a great memory. I think perhaps we aren't meant to be in the water together?

If it is crazy it happens to me. I once knew a guy, his name was Kent and Kent would use the crazy things I would tell him about that had happened to me for the week at the bar at Applebees Fri and Saturday nights. Why you ask? Because they were always so crazy and he would wait until the girls were good and drunk and he would tell them my stories but say they happened to him instead and he said the girls always felt sorry for him and would sleep with him. Can you believe that? He got a lot of mileage out of the boat sinking story. Ladies, never believe anything a man in a bar tells you. Of course that may apply to the men as well. When I went out my name was always Lola. Hey, I could be a Lola.

1 comment:

Tasha Simons said...

Oh, Jenny! You are funny! I can picture everything you write happening. I didn't know you were afraid of water. I, too, panic when out in the ocean. In high school, we all went scuba diving and I totally freaked out. I didn't want to go in the water but went cause the others were all going... I flew back into the boat and was shaking like a leaf.

Your story on the boat is hilarious. I'm impressed you want to go out on the canoe again given all you shared. It's courageous of you to face your fears like this.

Happy Anniversary! Hope it's great!

Love you,