The day of my last post I had the most fascinating revelation from my pastor's wife. I was really upset as I knew that God was dealing with me in an area of disobedience and He certainly knew how to get my attention since I had been mostly ignoring the prompting of the Holy Spirit to get myself in check. So, He did what He needed to do to put me back in line. I knew it but I was so upset that the issue was so minor in my personal opinion that it warranted such discipline. I couldn't understand why THIS thing was so hideous and after all, it's like really the only issue I have other than the minor stuff we all deal with from time to time. As I wrote in my last post, that I deleted as I just really was needing to vent, that I was majorly peeved that it seems like God just does not let me get out of line at all. I don't get it.... you know how we all know Christians and they are lovely people and all but they have some major issues? I'm like, Lord, can't I do anything? Not even a little sin? Huh? He just does not let me sway to the right or the left at all. Which is a great thing, yes, but oh my, sometimes it can be tough. It's not that I want to sin, but hey, I am not perfect by any means and yes sometimes I get out of line and sin. Yep, I do.
Well, I was talking to my pastor's wife about cancelling our ladies Bible study last Thursday because God would just not give me a topic to teach about and I NEVER EVER decide what to teach. I always wait on the Lord and He always gives me the topic in advance easy peasy with no problems. Well, He wasn't forking anything over the two weeks prior from our last lesson to the one that was supposed to happen last Thursday. I tried to write one on my own. I couldn't write anything, which only further proved that God was dealing with me because I can write a paper about anything, even things I know nothing about like it was nothing. Well, I had nuttin. I told my pastor's wife about how God was dealing with me about an issue and that He just was not allowing me to put a study together. I said we would need to cancel the study because I value the ladies time too much to have them leave home and drive to church and not get something from God out of me. Who wants to come to Bible study that isn't anointed and listen to someone spew poop? Not me.
She said we would not cancel the study until I called her tomorrow afternoon. She said she had a feeling God would move. I was hopeful but admittedly doubtful. Then she said the most amazing thing to me. She said our God is a jealous God Jennifer and He just wants your attention. You know, I never told her what my issue was and that it was taking my time away from the Lord. After she said that to me I told her that the issue was stealing from my time with the Lord. She said I should feel complimented that God was so jealous for my time with Him that He would take the time to get my attention back to Him so quickly. I was blown away! She said He missed me! Can you believe that? Gave me goosebumps, it did.
What she said to me had to have come from the Lord. There is no possible other way. The other cool thing was that just before she came and picked me up to go to Wed. night church together I had been reading in the book of James and I about fell over when I read this because I was only in the book of James because I felt led to read it.
James 3:1 Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.
Which if you read the last post that I deleted that was mostly what I was so frustrated about. The whole discipline factor and my frustration about why God does not seem to let me get out of line in the least before I get a few warnings and then if I treat them lightly I get the smack down of sorts. Well, here was my answer to that question as to why He does that. Ta da!
I teach the ladies and 8 to 12 year olds so does teaching two classes give me a double portion of that scripture? ha ha. Well, it's all a blessing to serve and it is totally worth it and I am most humbly in awe that He even pauses to look at me because I am a dork. But, I am an obedient dork so He can use me. It's all good :) I have really made strides to get myself and my nasty habit under check. I have been praying my way through the day so to speak, again. I didn't realize that I had stopped doing that to do my new little bad habit. I felt like a bum to give God the cold shoulder and then be mad at him for disciplining me. I am flattered He missed me :) That's pretty dang cool.
Well, I ended up being able to write a lesson and we went ahead with the study but guess what? Only one lady showed up ha ha!!!!! I about laughed myself to death. I took a picture of the empty classroom and put it on my facebook page with the caption "Bueller, Bueller, anyone? anyone??" It got some laughs. I feel too like that was God saying I gave you the lesson but I will not give you the ladies, get yourself in check girl. So the one lady and I chatted for an hour about some good stuff and we left for home. It was a nice evening but I would have certainly rather have been teaching our regulars. Well, He got my attention and I think I received my spanking with some dignity although I did kick and scream a bit a the beginning. I will be teaching the lesson this next Thursday Oct. 28 instead.
One thing I had reinforced for sure in the last 8 days is that God is not kidding around. He means what His Word says! Can I share this with you? Of all the scriptures I've read this one has impacted me the most from Genesis 17:1 "walk before me and be blameless." Now more than ever I feel this requirement weighing in on me. Goodness, Lord, I will do my best to walk before you in a blameless manor. 'Cause I also really don't like those spiritual spankings, ahem.