What I WANT and What I NEED When I Pray

I forgot to load this when Lexie went for her black belt in Tae Kwon doe, the holidays were crazy. I was so proud of Lexie as she did receive her black belt on Braxton's 4th birthday. It was a very good day all around. I think I'd fall over on my face if I tried this ha ha.

I've had an interesting week so far concerning my prayer life, which has been pretty non existant since we left our church to go back to our old one. I was listening to my spiritual mentor http://lysaterkeurst.com/ on her webcast (her site is being hacked these days since her new book Made To Crave has come out so it's down today again. Stupid hackers.) and she was talking about "Wants" and "Needs". Here is the freaky twist to that. If you've been reading the posts below, I blogged about Sunday's sermon at True Life where Jesus says to blind Bart "What do you want me to do for you?" Pastor made a big point that Jesus usually asks a question very similar to this when he heals someone. Knowing Jesus can read the minds of every person around him it is critical to note that he ALREADY knows what the person wants and needs. But, he asks. Pastor said it is important to know WHAT we want from Jesus and WHAT we want Him to do when we are seeking help. I thought that was interesting but didn't pause on that too long. Then the next evening Lysa was on talking about Wants and Needs. I may have this next part mixed up a little because God has shown me so much this week my head is spinning. I may get the begging part from Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl or maybe that all was Monday. You know, I get this much information mixed up sometimes lol. She was talking about how so many times she would pray begging "God I NEED you to do this..... God I NEED you to do that." and how we mess up our WANTS with our NEEDS. I marinated in that for a bit and then I prayed the next day and as I was praying about Amber I realized I was doing the exact thing Lysa was talking about. "God I NEED you to please heal Amber. God I NEED you to help us pay for her treatments. God I NEED....." and I paused very quickly. I said "Okay Lord, I get it now. Jesus, I WANT you to heal Amber but more than anything we NEED you. I WANT the funds to pay back my dad quickly and be able to pay for future treatments and the new wardrobe for Amber but more than anything we NEED to feel you. Jesus I WANT you to make the stress go away with the work pressures so we can focus on kitty but we NEED you directing our lives foremost. We NEED to be in your will. We WANT you to make this better and heal Amber." I redirected my requests quickly into wants and needs. I redirected a needful begging into a faithful request to Jesus and God. You know, I really liked it. Every time I said an "I WANT" I was immediately mindful of what I also NEEDED more than my "I WANT". It made my prayer more focused on Jesus than my requests. It made my requests faith filled requests and not begging and pleading, it made my prayer more centered around my need for Jesus and the Lord to be my main love and focus and my relationship with them as the top priority and everything else was second. I NEED God, I NEED Jesus. I WANT healing for Amber. I WANT the finances to be plentiful so that stress is gone. I WANT the guys to work hard and get the jobs done quickly so they are more profitable so the company can be in the black. It just really shifted my realities into looking at what I truly do need first.

I love Lysa TerKeurst. I cannot wait to get her book Made To Crave. You know that's how I lost over 30 lbs last year, her book kind of. She was in the process of going through everything she did where she ended up being able to write Made To Crave and how the whole diet process needed to be one that she invited God into and how she relied on Him for strength. I thought she was a little kooky at first but as I saw it work for her, I tried it. I invited God to be my strength and my "portion" in my quest to be skinnier. Dude, it totally worked. I would want a cookie and I would pray for God to be my portion. Lamentations 3:24 The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him. I focused in on Him when I was weak towards food. When I didn't want to work out, I prayed for Him to give me strength. Well, 4 months later over 30 lbs were gone and I had been trying to get that 30 something off for 10 years. So, I REALLY want to get this book. I cannot even imagine how much goodness is packed in that book. I've read most of her books and each one has changed me in dramatic ways. The best book EVER is What Happens When Women Say Yes To God. Oh my, best book she has written. This new one may be better.

Well, I just want to say again how unique this praying experience has been separating out what I NEED and what I WANT. Also, you know Jesus was never one to let anybody slide by without being completely genuine with Him. Remember the father who was asking Jesus to heal his son? Jesus told him that he needed to believe because the father said "if you can" and that all things are possible for those who believe. (Remember my post earlier where I read that Beth Moore said God corrected her one time and told her to not just believe IN HIM but to BELIEVE Him. Believing In God is different than Believing God.) Then the father said "I believe. Help me with my unbelief." Then Jesus healed his son. Jesus wants us to believe and be honest with him. He knew the man wanted his son healed. He knew this man served His Father. He knew the man was struggling with the he can but will he thought pattern and I wondered why he said he believed and then immediately said help me with my unbelief. Until, it was mentioned to picture the scenario, Jesus is standing in front of the father looking him straight in the eye. Jesus tells him to believe. The father, wanting his boy healed says "I believe." while looking Jesus right in the eye. There must have been a pause, Jesus is still looking at him. The father desperate for help realizes he does not fully believe and gets truthful with Jesus. "Help me with my unbelief." Jesus is no marshmallow. He wants us to believe and he wants us real. After saying what he WANTS Jesus to do, he activates his faith but his faith is not complete. He reaches out to Jesus instead of turning away and asks Jesus to help him with that too. And, that's when we see Jesus's supernatural meet up with the natural.

I WANT kitty healed but I NEED the peace of Jesus more. I'm glad He is helping me get all of this worked out. God is pretty amazing. Although, I can't lie, I'd be pretty okay for all the bad things to stop happening. That'd be nice. Lost $800 yesterday because one of our employees broke something and we had to replace it. NICE. It's this daily poo that messes me up but hey, I'm on the upside of not being aggimatated with God anymore so it's cool. None of kitty's pants fit her anymore either. I discovered that factoid this morning. I sent her in a dress and leggings yesterday to school for comfort. Her jeans do not go over the brace. So I sent her to school in her sisters black gauchos with sequins across the waistband, lol. Her shirt was long enough to cover it. I guess we will be spending grocery money on pants this weekend, lol. It will all work out. I am the queen of cheap. I think I have a check waiting for me at the consignment store too. Thank goodness.

Jenn