I have been blogging since 2008 and it wasn't until my last post that I received my first negative comment. When I replied back to the cowardly "anonymous" I told them if they could see me they would see me sticking my tongue out at them. Almost immediately I remembered this picture Amber and I took while we were making fun of teenage girls who always post pictures on Facebook of themselves making weird faces and sticking their tongues out. Which, after taking this pic we felt lead to post it on Facebook. Yes, we are dorks and yes anonymous, this is for you. Tongue and cheek, (pun intended) of course, anonymous I wish you no ill will. I hope you come back and we become friends.
I came here to do a post but upon seeing anonymous's comment which I must say, really hurt my feelings, I felt compelled to ponder on it instead.
This is what it said: "Anonymous said...
This is the most retarded story I have ever heard. You are all over the place. first you have a joyful and wonderful feeling because you went to the church and then you swap to Jesus healed my neck. What is that about. Look you want ...to know what is really going on. you haven't had too much real success in life and your are feeling down about it. Look, you're not fooling anyone with the God is great blog. Stop trying to make yourself feel better with I am forgiven bandages. Live your life and learn from your mistakes. do the best you can and treat people the way you would like to be. Stop hating yourself for BS. This stuff does not convince anyone... be the real you."
I'm thinking this person must have come here only once because, I'm always all over the place and that fact shouldn't surprise anyone who comes here regularly. Even today I am already "all over the place." yeah, that's how I roll. Get it, "how I roll", "all over the place." Eh, maybe that was funnier in my head. I laughed, that's all that matters.
Also, I don't think that story was retarded either. I didn't like the retarded comment, I'm just guessing but I think anonymous is a guy. Women would tend to know that you don't call someone retarded unless you are in middle school and don't know better. A young male in his twenties would call someone retarded. Or was it my story that was retarded, yes I believe it was. Anyway, I know kids who are challenged and I don't think the hand they've been dealt in life is deserving of becoming an insult but hey, I get it. "A" thinks my story was retarded, I wonder what seemed so retarded? I've been struggling hard since a church hurt and my mom's death to be joyful in church and it was like a miracle to me how joyful I felt as I walked into the church. Y'all know how sarcastic I am, to me it was an awesome and real experience. In the part about my neck healing I though it all tied in together. I went there looking for a very real encounter with God, didn't stay home because of my pain and I felt like God healed me as a nice little "just because I love you and thanks for coming" gift of sorts. I know it happened and stuff like that doesn't happen often to me, so I wrote about it. I wanted to remember it. I have a lot of stress, it felt so great to feel nothing but joy.
Let's skip over to the not fooling anyone with the God is great blog, the forgiven bandages, etc. I want to be clear, this blog is my diary. God moved me to do this, it frightens the poop out of me to put myself on the Internet and write about my problems, spiritual issues and all other embarrassing stuff I write about that 99% of the smart population just keeps in their head. But, God moved me to not filter and so I don't. When I write, I write off the top of my head. Nothing is planned. I rarely if ever edit. It's just me, my thoughts pouring out into letters on the Internet. I will say that I am not brave enough to share this blog with people I actually know. If I knew people I "really knew" read this, I'd totally filter it. Just sayin....... Ever since I found out that my husband reads my status updates on FB I haven't been nearly as funny. I'm "editing" myself because I don't want to look like a dummy to my husband. Which, I think is a good sign since I actually still care what he thinks about me after 15 years together, 14 married. That being said, I don't write this blog to convince anyone of anything.
Who am I to do that? Not my intention, if anything is helpful I'm very happy about that and I do share stuff that I find incredibly helpful to myself and others, I do that. I don't have anything in my past or present that I need to put an "I'm forgiven bandage" over. If you look up goody two shoes, yes, that's me. I don't feel rotten about myself for anything I've done. You got me wrong on that one "A". You did get me right on the hating yourself thing. I did a bible study last year and took a quiz and my answers said I hate myself. That shocked me but upon much self reflection I have decided that there is truth to that, which is a little confusing because I'm also funny and I crack myself up all the time. I like plenty of things about myself. I'm hard on myself I think. I was shocked to my core and actually got goosebumps when I read the hating myself part of the comment. I re read my story twice and I couldn't pick up anything about me hating myself from that story. Maybe "A" read some other posts? If "A" thought that my story was the most retarded thing they've ever read though why would they keep on reading? Maybe "A" thought to entertain their self with more retarded stories? Who knows. It scared me to see "A" picked up on that so quickly. WOW, hats off to you "A". I'd actually like to meet you in real life and see what other great revelations you may pick up from me. I wonder though if you are just a "Jesus hater" and you think my story was retarded because you think anyone who thinks Jesus or God did something for them is retarded? I wonder......
Also, if you knew me better "A" you would understand that I am HUGE on treating people the way we would want to be treated. I am HUGE on extending much grace and mercy to those around us. If you knew me in person you would think I was super friendly and the last person to judge anyone. You would know I would do anything for anyone who needed help and I am quick to fight for someone who needs it. I can't stand being around fake people. I can't stand it when someone says something and then some dork wants to try to correct them. Let it go dude I always say. I don't have to be right all the time. I know there is more than one way to get to a destination and my way is just that, my way and I don't think my way needs to be anyone else's way. I like listening more than talking but let's be clear, I am VERY opinionated and stubborn. I just recognize that my opinion is just that, my opinion and that does in no way mean that it is correct.
I don't get the success thing. I can assure you that I have had much success in my life. I've had monetary success, a beautiful home that retailed for over half a million dollars in a subdivision here in Atlanta, and I feel mostly successful and blessed by my family. My husband is awesome, he treats me so great that I feel certain I would never find another man who is as good to me as he is. That my friend, is a huge success. He's never said an unkind thing to me. He still loves me and has been faithful and awesome for 14 years of marriage. That is a great success. We still flirt with each other, he still makes me feel giddy when he is paying attention to me. That is a success that most people never find. My kids are fantastic although I must confess, LAZY little creatures. Seriously, they must be the laziest kids ever. They excel in all their standardized testing, they are smarter than I am. I spent 5 days trying to figure out how to get the Febreeze car air freshener to work (after throwing out the directions on the package) and I gave it to Amber (the 12 year old) and she figured it out in less than 10 seconds. My 5 year old is super smart and he will kick your butt on Call of Duty Modern Warfare on the X Box. Yes he will. My kids like us, we hug, we say "I love you" every day to each other. We spend time together, we play checkers, we talk, we wrestle a lot and I still play "The Claw" with all 3 of my kids 14, 12, 5 who live at home regularly. My right hand is "The Claw" and when he gets in trouble my left hand named "Samson", "The Claw's" evil twin comes into the game. Yes, we are a lively bunch and I consider my kids to be a success. Do you know what Brandon does? He is a vigilante for kids who are bullied. I think that's flippin awesome. He fights and stands up for kids who are picked on and has a bully brigade that he gets to stop bullying and puts an end to it. He has saved a lot of kids from being picked on. He puts bullies in their place and that my friend is a huge success in my opinion. My kids are nice. My kids like to do nice things for other people. Why? Because my husband and I teach them to be that way. We parent our kids. We love them and we don't have half the headaches other parents do. I consider that a huge success. I had a great childhood and my parents didn't damage me in any way, that is a huge success. I don't know many people who can say that. I've met Alice from the Brady bunch my friend, hey hey now, that was a pretty successful day! If you don't believe me I have a picture on my FB. Yes I do.......Ever since June of 2007 when the housing market fell we have not had a lot of success monetarily. Nope, no more six figure income. That for sure has sucked. But, my husband has built a very successful restoration and remodeling company that did almost $600,000 in business and is on track to do three quarters of a million or more this year. He is very successful because he didn't lay down and die when everyone in the country including himself was laid off. He built something wonderful. I help him in his business by running the office and the books and we employ 11 full time men. That's 11 men who wouldn't have jobs if he wasn't successful at what he does. Running a business is stressful as hell, especially in this economy. We get cheated and ripped off regularly, that's the game and we do it. We do it better every year. We didn't take a single unemployment check and we didn't lay down and die when hard times came. We are fighters and we are successful. I don't know why you think I'm not. Hard times? Sure, we all have them but at the end of the day I have a husband who wants to grow old with me and wants me to be his best friend. And, I must say he is really really good with his hands. Yes, I am very blessed and successful in all the ways that matter. Struggling a little now, yeah but this too shall pass. It hurt my feelings that someone would think I haven't had success in life. I've had much and I've given much. It's okay, most people like me. "A", if you knew me you'd probably like me too. This blog is my diary, it's the place I go to get out the stuff in my head that you don't talk to other people about. It's free therapy. It's my release. It's my inner most thoughts unedited and poured out. Which, is why I'm all over the place sometimes. I'm not trying to win a Pulitzer here. And I wouldn't want to, if I won the Pulitzer people would know about my blog that I have to actually see and talk to and I wouldn't want them to read this because of how vulnerable I am here and I wouldn't want to think I couldn't come here and vent when I'm pissed, write out my thoughts when I'm hurt and confused, and share my musings about family and things that get my brain going.......
That being said, I still wish "A" didn't think I wrote the most retarded thing they've ever read or heard. Do you have any idea how much stupid crap is out there and my last post was the "most retarded" thing they've ever heard? Holy geez, that's wild. Well, "A", I'm nothing if not memorable and I shall treasure holding the place of telling the most retarded story ever in your life. I hope you never read anything more retarded than what I write and die laughing in your bed thinking about that retarded story you read on Jenn's blog :)