Happy Thanksgiving!!

I just love a good Martha Stewart idea. We could do this with a quick trip to Michaels right?
It is always fun for me to find some new cute idea for the table every year.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with your family & friends. Try not to spend too much time in the kitchen!!

I am thankful for all of you who come and visit with me.

Gobble Gobble,

Jenn

Good Lord do I need to work out or WHAT? Shivers......

Anyhoo, last night was a wonderful blessing for me. Several things were going on all at once and it was really just overwhelming but in a good way. Once again I was reminded (why do I keep needing to be reminded of this? Why do I forget?) that the most wonderful basics of my faith never change. I change but the Word does not.

I need to keep my Lord in every single thing I do, say and think. Why do I not remember to involve Him consistently with the things that are in my life? Yes, I was reminded of the need to do that last night.

I need to pray more. I have slacked from praying like I used to, much to my shame. I read, study, & have little chats with God but my prayer life as a whole is not what it should be and I can feel the effects of that. Yes in deed I can. God has been nudging me on that one & I have repented. Why do I think I am too busy to pray? Lately my mind can't stay focused enough to pray like I used to. Once again I was reminded that I need to control my mind and not let my mind control me. Thank you Lord.

Lexie was in a car accident yesterday. A lady in the lane next to the car she was in with two other teenagers did not see them and she tried to move into their lane & hit them. Nobody was hurt but all were badly shaken. I am so grateful that our last words to each other as she left were "I love you." I was reminded that I have no guarantee that when one of us walks out our door to leave that we will also return. I am so grateful for my family. Why am I not praying more for safety for my children like I used to?

I was also reminded that if we want to feel good about ourselves we should do something nice for someone else. It works, truly it does. If we need to feel encouraged, encourage someone else. Last night I chatted with my husband & he needed some encouragement. He needed his Ezer to sustain him, to strengthen him. He needed me to help him carry on. (That is the kind of "help" we are to be!! Sustainers, a source of strength and the foundation of our homes, not servants and dishwashers. Oh, how I love this definition of woman.... Ezer Kenegdo. So glad I studied the Hebrew wording of how we got the words "help meet"!! Knowing my true purpose as a woman has meant the world to me.) But God has answered my prayers and continues to do so as I have asked the Lord to truly show me what it means to be an Ezer Kenegdo. I encouraged him with my words but still there was more to do. This morning I was up very early and as I put in my contact lenses I asked myself what I could do to lift his spirits and send him off encouraged. As I thought this I looked at my bathroom counter and it was a bit messy. Mike likes a clean bathroom and the counter clear of clutter. In 5 minutes everything was put away, the counters were spotless (I keep Lysol cleaning clothes under the counter.) and the floor was tidied. Yes, the very first place he would go this morning would be spotless and smell clean. I knew that would perk him up. I made coffee and purposefully spent my normal "computer time with my coffee" with him instead. I prayed hard for him and spent the morning feeding him some bread of life, God's word, and speaking positively about the future. He left happy people. Happy and hopeful. Yes, that is an Ezer at work. Thank you Lord!!! Yes, I can do that for my man. Guess what, I feel great now too! There is always hope in the Lord. There is always hope in service and helping others.

I was reminded that no matter what is happening, no matter how busy I am that I am NEVER too busy to call upon the Lord in all things. I need to keep my prayer time a priority. I need to keep thanking the Lord all day long. I need to be a strength and a sustainer and I can't do that if I am only focused on "me" and "my" issues or my busy little self. I need to take time for me of course, but not just me. I need to focus on each individual person in my home too and take the time to pray for each one of them, to talk to each one of them and encourage them each day. I need to not deplete myself or I cannot be a strength or a sustainer for them. Yes, I need to take better care of myself also. There is a truth in the following saying which is why it is so funny also: "If momma ain't happy, nobodies happy." Momma needs to keep herself maintained, groomed, fit, well fed on the word and prayed up! Hallelujah! I feel good Lord. You are so wonderful to me even though all my good deeds are as filthy rags, you love me, you love all of us so much!

I stood in the gap for my husband this morning and prayed hard for him. I cast his cares & anxieties on Jesus for him. Would you mind praying for him also? I would really love it if you would. I hope all of you have a wonderful day today!

Jenn

What I Have Learned About Women & Marriage

Well, after a pretty exhaustive study on woman & marriage I have come to a few conclusions.

1. There is no concensus among all Christians as to the state of equality or inferiority of woman.

2. I can see where God created us equal as people deserving the same respect, love, rights, ability to care and be cared for as men and women. We were both created in God's image & both given the command to rule & subdue the earth & procreate.

3. The above facts do not mean that man still does not have the responsibility of leadership. God did create Adam first and give him the responsibility to name the animals & such, he also was instructed to care for the garden. He was also the first person God goes to after Adam & Eve sinned. He was held responsible for listening to his wife & not holding to what God told him. This may indicate that he was the responsible leader & not his wife or it may not. However, Satan always wanting to disrupt what God intends went to the woman to entice first, not the man. He was most likely trying to disrupt the leadership order between man and woman and also with humans and God.

4. We are more defined by who we are in Christ than by whether we are a man or a woman. Men and women have equal claim to all the scriptures that say who we are in Christ. Those scriptures are listed in statement form on my sidebar. My children and I read them aloud to settle that identity deep within us.

5. Genesis 3:16 is incredibly hard to define in the Hebrew & there is much arguing and debate of the exact meaning over a woman desiring her husband & what it means to rule over her. Genesis 4:7 & once more in Song of Solomon are the only 3 places that the hebrew word of desire is used here. In Song of Solomon it is used as sexual desire but a longing for nonetheless. Gen 4:7 it is a desire to conquer. Hence the argument over whether Eve's desire is a sexual longing or a desire to overcome and dominate her husband. He will rule over her is the same hebrew wording for Gen 4:7 where Cain is told to rule over his desire to sin. Translating the Hebrew of 3:16 is very hard to do in English so the translators did it word for word.

6. God wants us to be happy people. This indicates that he does not want us to cause harm & unhappiness on anyone. We should be mutaully lifting up, loving, respecting and caring for our spouses. We should not even bother with being concerned about who is superior or inferior if that is even the case at all. We should consistently do unto others as we would have them do unto us.

7. Ezer Kenegdo does not mean help mate/help meet/ helper comparible. Women are created to be Ezer kenegdos. Ezer means a strength, a power or to save. Kenegdo means equal to, alongside, counterpart. Counterpart is my favorite defintion of kenegdo. Counterpart means:1 : one of two corresponding copies of a legal instrument : duplicate
2 a : a thing that fits another perfectly b : something that completes : complement
3 a : one remarkably similar to another b : one having the same function or characteristics as another

8. I believe God will use any willing vessel regardless of sex.

9. I believe we are supposed to enjoy each other.

10. Women were not created to do it all. We laughed at the last study in my ladies group about the following. In respect to the term help meet, how are you helping the man if you are doing everything? If a woman works full time like her husband then it would be completely ridiculuous for her to also do all the housework, child care, school responsibilities, shopping, etc. In this case, doesn't she need a help meet?
If she is doing it all, she isn't helping anybody. Help refers to a mutual work happening.

11. Men and women are confused as a whole to the responsibilities each bear in the home and marriage. Especially if the woman works full time.

12. We would all be happier if we would just be nice to our spouses and everyone around us. We should try to do nice things for our family members in our home. We should be just as concerned about their well being as ours. We should rely on the strengths of the man and the woman as individuals in the marriage.

13. Being a woman does not infer being responsible to do all the cleaning,cooking & laundry. Even the proverbs woman had servant girls. Woman was not created to do everything domestic. That is a societal influence.


14. The happiest times in my marriage are when my husband has taken on the leadership role in a loving way & his solid leading & loving attitude for me and the children made me want to do all the things that I know made him happy & eased the strains of life for him. He gave me the love & security I desired & I in turn was happy to do what I could to make his life better. Our mutal affection & respect spilled over into how we spoke to/cared for our kids and we were all a happy family. When this relationship has gotten out of order, it all gets out of order. When he treats my stay at home status as my wife is my maid, I do not want to please him at all. When he lovingly appreciates what I do and trys to give me "breaks from the kids" & does an occassional chore I would normally do it shows me he wants me to be happy and that he respects what I do and that he is not above it. When he feels like I am being bossy he rebels against it also. Mutual respect, mutual give and take and trying actively to show that love and respect is key.

15. I don't have a problem with men claiming a leadership role. I have a problem with men who abuse it. I have a problem with women who think they have to do everything and that their husbands do not have to do anything for them. I am a very smart lady and I am fully capable of doing anything I put my mind to. What matters is how I treat people and how I allow them to treat me. This is what effects my happiness, not how equal to I am to anybody.

16. I have also learned how important it is to study the Hebrew wording when we study the Bible! I cannot emphasize that enough.

I would love to ask the question if anybody else has enjoyed these posts on women but oddly enough.... the visits to the ole blog have been way down. I am wondering if I have just become boring or if I have offended people? Well, I do not offend easily so if I have been a doo doo head you can feel free to comment anonomously and let me know.


Love y'all,

Jenn

Something I never noticed before.....

I was just studying Genesis 3:16 & realized something I have never noticed before. When God is punishing the serpent, Adam & Eve all three punishments involve seed.

The serpent will be crushed by the seed of the woman.

When the woman is bringing forth seed, it will be in great pain.

The man will no longer be able to bring forth the seed he plants easily.

Hmmmmm......

A Great Post On Marriage Written By A Man

I just saw this & I had to share since I have been writing on women and marriage all week. This is just the most perfect way to wrap it up. How a man changed his marrige for the better. I LOVED IT!!! Hope you do too.

Why You Need a Double Standard

Expecting more of yourself and less of your mate can do wonders for your marriage

by Gary Thomas



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"You brought them home hungry?" Lisa asked.

I stared at my wife, dumbfounded.

"It's 7:45, and you brought them home hungry?" she asked again.

I tried to come up with a good excuse. "Well, I, uh, you see . …" I gave up. "Yeah, I guess I did."

I thought I had done Lisa a favor. I took the kids for the evening so she could have a night off. I wanted her to eat dinner while reading a magazine and rediscover that, in some corners of the world, there still remains a phenomenon called "silence."

Now I was back home, and all the self-righteous defenses came rushing to my mind. "Here I try to give you an evening off, and you get upset just because the kids want a little snack! You know our kids—they need to eat every seven minutes!"

Instead of voicing that, however, I took a walk and did some praying. "Okay, God, what are we going to talk about tonight?"

A clear thought came into my mind: How can you love your wife better? God was pushing me to come up with ways I could make Lisa's life easier. And it wasn't anything as simple as buying another piece of lingerie ("Gary, this is for her, not for you"). Instead, they were eminently practical changes: I could make the kids' lunches. I could take them out one evening a week and bring them home with full stomachs. I could get them ready for bed at least three nights a week.

I felt the Lord teaching me that the happiest husband is the one who lives with a double standard—he's tough on himself and easy on his wife.

Meeting the Standard
I spent the first few days of our marriage adding up the pluses and minuses of our various personality traits. The problem was, I spent too much time on my pluses and Lisa's minuses. Then I read a passage written by John Owen, one of the great Puritan scholars: "The person who understands the evil in his own heart is the only person who is useful, fruitful and solid in his beliefs and obedience. Others only delude themselves and thus upset families, churches and all other relationships. In their self-pride and judgment of others, they show great inconsistency."

I realized I was deluded by my sense of self-righteousness. Rather than focusing on what Lisa could improve, I should have been on my knees, begging God to change me. This thought was magnified one morning when I was praying through Scripture. All of a sudden, a question startled me: "Does Lisa see Jesus in me?"

Scripture reminds us, again and again, that our goal as Christians is to become more like Christ. In Ephesians 5:1 we read, "Be imitators of God." Elsewhere, Paul wrote, "For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son" (Rom. 8:29). As I grow in relationship to Christ, my wife should be able to notice at least some family resemblance. God was showing me that I had fallen short of improving myself for my wife's sake.

"But wait!" the selfish me wanted to cry out. "What about her? " But then I remembered a passage written by William Law, an eighteenth-century Anglican: "No one is of the Spirit of Christ but he that has the utmost compassion for sinners. Nor is there any greater sign of your own perfection than you find yourself all love and compassion toward them that are very weak and defective. And on the other hand, you have never less reason to be pleased with yourself than when you find yourself most angry and offended at the behavior of others."

That was the holy double standard I needed. As I become more unyielding and aggressive in attacking my own sins and weaknesses, I must extend more and more grace and gentleness toward others in theirs.

Back at the Home Office
When I became self-employed and decided to work out of our home, the double standard turned into more than just a good idea. We live, with our three children, in a townhouse—which meant our bedroom would have to double as my office. When people find out what we're doing, they're amazed. "And you still like each other?" they ask.

In fact, working at home has done wonders for our marriage. For the first time, I could see what it was like to spend an entire day being Lisa. Oh, I used to watch her in action every weekend. But what makes her life difficult isn't an occasional 48-hour stretch. It's the day-in and day-out responsibility of raising three kids. It's the pressure of getting the homeschooling lessons done, while lunches need to be made and clothes need to be washed and kids need to be chauffeured to ballet and soccer practice.

At the same time, Lisa saw what it was like for me to sit for hours in front of a computer, writing articles and speeches, and keeping up with all the paperwork involved in my business. Some days I was tired or sick. Sometimes the weather outside was beautiful, but always I stayed in my chair. She saw my determination and the pressure of meeting deadlines and taking on assignments I wasn't sure I could handle, but I was really sure we needed the paycheck.

Lisa and I began to develop an empathy for each other, and it improved our exercise of the double standard. As I understand the challenges Lisa faces, I'm more likely to "go easy" on her. I'm learning to make excuses for my wife the way I so easily make them for myself: "Look, I just finished a really intense assignment; I need to veg out." Now I prod myself: "She's had a tough day, Gary. Get the kids out of the house and give her some time to herself."

Looking Out for Number Two
Here's what I found out: Applying a double standard often leads to receiving a double standard. As I have become more generous toward Lisa, I've noticed that she has become more generous toward me. I recently returned from a trip feeling as if I'd walked every one of the 400 miles I had just driven. I had spoken six times in four days and driven through four states. I pulled into our driveway thinking, "I'm so tired. All I want to do is watch a late football game."

But as I came through the door, I knew Lisa was thinking, "Good, he's home. I've had the kids to myself all weekend and they're driving me crazy." This is the stuff colossal marriage fights are made of.

But then I discovered Lisa and I had both changed. I pulled out the flavored popcorn I'd brought home for the kids, and we talked at the kitchen table as they ate. I noticed Lisa was being incredibly sensitive toward me.

"You've got to be exhausted," she said. "Let me take care of the kids tonight."

But hearing her say that made me want to care for the kids. She was being hard on herself and easy on me, which made me want to be hard on myself and easy on her. That's when I realized: "This double standard business really does build stronger marriages."

If each of us assumes our spouse has it the hardest and that we miss the mark most frequently—and act accordingly—we'll find a mix that's just about right. When we adopt this double standard, we find that encouragement replaces accusation, appreciation replaces resentfulness and understanding replaces judgment. And isn't that the type of marriage we're all looking for?


Gary Thomas is a writer and speaker. He and Lisa and their three children live in Manassas, Virginia.


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Copyright © 1997 by Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership Magazine.
Spring 1997, Vol. 14, No. 1, Page 8

Recaping the year & giving myself a break.

Today I decided to do a post all about me. I have been giving myself a hard time lately about not being where I would like to be in my quest to walk in love & reflect God. Being slightly sarcastic in nature & ahem, quite open & sometimes blunt I think this shall always be a challange area for me. As much as I would love to be a quiet & demure Christian lady that just is not who I am inside. I am bold, an activist, I get things done & I like to study and talk about what I study. I like to ask why a lot & truthfully that makes a lot of people uncomfortable so I honestly think reflecting the qualities of Jesus will always be something I have to strive hard for. Sometimes I beat myself up a little about these traits of mine but someone put some things into perspective for me last week about who I am and why I am the way I am currently. I have been thinking about what this woman said to me and you know, she is so right. God bless her. She said I should just give myself a break.

I am not one to give myself a break. I have worked like an animal my whole life, taking breaks was not an option & there was too much to do. But she than began to list every single thing that had happened to me in just 2009 alone & it literally took my breath away. This woman was so right. I deserved to give myself a break!!

I'll just recap 2009.

My mom suffers a major stroke.

My landlord will not allow anyone in the shopping center to be behind on rent anymore and begins eviction proceedings on several of us store owners even though we were only a month behind. Some stores were 2 to 3 months behind. the economy was hitting hard at that time. I was forced to close my gift store & my heart was broken.

One of our cars is flooded & 3 months of sickness & mold problems ensue.

Spend two weeks packing up the store while my landlord sues me for over a hundred thousand dollars.

Spend every other day driving into Atlanta to visit my mom in the rehab facility.

Still in layoff Hell from previous year.

Company hubby works for is slow to pay plus we no longer make what we used to so we cannot pay the bills anymore. Fall way behind on bills.

Forced due to lawsuit to file bankruptcy. My heart was broken again.

Lost house, bankruptcy judge would not let us keep it.

House hunted & found a new home to rent.

Moved.

Forced to no longer homeschool & send Brandon to public school. Too expensive.

Had to go on Food Stamps for a bit, could not afford food.

Tried to find a job, nobody was hiring!!!

Mom suffered another stroke.

Mom still can't walk or use her left arm 11 months later from the first one.

Dad is suffering mini strokes & we are at the hospital a lot lately with him.

Try to help shop and clean the parents house too.

Broke my right foot & although the bone has heeled it still hurts.

Good grief! Yeah, um, if I am a bit stressed I think I will just give myself a break ha ha. Some wonderful things happened spiritually but considering all the wonderful things God has done in my life I guess that is why I was beating myself up. I guess I think considering how he has helped me and taught me so many wonderful things in this year and the last that I should be..... I don't know a bit more sweetly demure and reflecting Christianity with every sweet droplet of what I speak. Who am I kidding? My friend Tasha tells me some smart things like this too. There was just something about hearing someone else recap these things that really struck me.

I guess the only thing that truly matters is that I am on this journey & that I keep coming closer to Him. I think I shall not beat myself up another single day this year & I pray the rest of it is joyful & full of wonderful things. I also pray that in this next year I will be able to make some wonderful & true friendships though blogging and in my "real life world". I am a bit lonely if I am honest & I would love to forge some genuine and true friendships. I need to call Tasha more too. Goodness when you have a young one it is hard to be on the phone. The minute they see that phone on your ear suddenly they need everything under the sun and the volume level goes up a thousand percent? Or is that just me, lol.

Well, if you stuck with me in this post to the end I thank you for your friendship and for coming to this crazy blog.

Jenn

Ezer Kenegdo Discussion Part 3

Yesterday's post helped bring some things together for me as I was writing. I am always one to get into deep thought & study on things & this topic has been fun for me. I was wanting to talk about God's image today. That when God created man & woman he also created us to reflect His image in different ways. Many people think that for man & woman to be equals they have to be the same. Not true. We are equal but we are made to complimemt each other. We are corresponding pieces to each other. We are meant to work together as men & women both have different strengths that together work beautifully as one.

Yesterday I briefly brought up romance & how women just love romance. God is the ultimate romantic! That is a part of who God is that women reflect.

Women are all about the journey, men are all about the end goal. We love to dream as little girls about who we will marry, what will our life be like, when will I find Mr. Right & all the glorious things a little girl can dream of her life being like with her husband. God is all about the journey too. Can't you just see Him looking down on us and desiring the day when we will find Him. He longs for all the things that we will do with Him, He longs to live in us & send us His Holy Spirit. Yes, God loves the journey also. Another part of God's heart we reflect. Men like to make fun of us for our romanticism but you know ladies, that is part of God & His image that He gave to us. I asked my husband a few years back if he could be more romantic & he looked at me very confused and said "But I already did that?" So I was thinking "You aren't supposed to stop dear." Hence the truth in women love the journey and men the end goal. He romanced me & he got me. He was done.

Men need women and women need men. We are not meant to be alone. The gift of marriage is a precious one & yet half or more of marriages end in divorce. I wonder how many times I have heard people say that marriage should only last legally 5 years and then it has to be renewed or it expires. I believe there have been bills crafted in our Congress to this effect but they always get shot down & not put to a vote. The point is that the sanctity of marriage is no longer sanctified to many of us. We as a society do not treat it as the precious gift that it is.

Ultimately if we are to have happy marriages we need to love & respect each other, we need to be concerned with our spouses happiness & seek to please them. This is a two way street. Women and men have different love languages & if I am to show my love for my husband then I need to do something that he will appreciate and enjoy. I need to not just say I love you to him, men want respect more than love according to just about everyone & the bible even says women respect your husbands and husbands love your wives. So when I say "Honey, I am so proud of you." to him I just said "I love you." When I say "Honey, the yard looks great!" after he mows to him I just said "I love you." For me, he needs to say "I love you." not a thumbs up on the yummy pot roast. He needs to make an effort to spend time alone with me or compliment me on the things I do & I need to do that for him. I need to be just as concerned about his happiness as mine if not more and he needs to be just as concerned about my happiness as his if not more. What ever we do we should do as unto the Lord. Yes, even in our marriages.

Here is another journey/end goal example. Men (mostly) want sex. Women (mostly) are too tired & don't. Especially women who work & have lazy husbands who do not fulfill what they should around the house. Being about the journey..... we want them to have done someting nice for us or said some nice things to us throughout the day to you know, um, maybe put our minds in the mood? Sex for women begins in the mind. But, if they want to achieve their end goal they need to get off the lazy boy, ha ha and do some work around the house & start complimenting their wives. I'll never forget the man who every single Friday stopped by the floral dept. at p@blix where I was a produce manager. He always came and got me because I would wrap his flowers special & make pretty bows for him. He bought his wife soemthing different every Friday but he always came home with some type of flower bouquet. He did not want them in the plastic wrapper they come in, he wanted to make it special for his wife. First it was a beautiful gesture to stop on his way home & buy her flowers. But don't think for a second that this woman did not realize that he had to go a step further by asking someone to wrap flowers special for him & make a special bow. He was truly showing her his love for her by making it speical & personalized. She had a great love of fresh flowers & he brought them to her to make her happy. He did joke to me once that it was not only worth the time & expense to make her happy because in return she made him a very happy man & he said this with a BIG GRIN! Meaning, well you know. He was well supplied shall we say by his wife who in return loved him back the way he wanted. Hee hee hee.

Some people are lucky enough to have marriages that do function this way. I have heard from two of you that have said so and I would love to tell you how happy I am for you!! What a treasure! Unfortunately this is not the case for the majority. Also, I just can't emphasize enough that marriage is not about the woman "doing for her man" as this study as taken me. It is about a joint love effort. God did not make us to be servants or to be told to know our place as I have heard countless times from ladies. I know a woman whose husband makes terrible financial decisions & keeps their home in poverty because of his wild spending. She says because he is the head of their home that she cannot say anything. Sigh. Good grief. Girl, yes you can! We are Ezer Kenegdo's not doormats, not servants & this whole women are less than stuff makes me crazy.

It truly does! For instance yesterday I worked hard around the house. I dove into the kids playroom where surely something could have eaten me. Dangerous territory!! I cleaned & shined stuff. I lit candles to make the home smell nice like I do every day. I laundred & put clothes away. Took care of a dog I don't like.... & then shuttled 2 kids to karate to return at a what was almost "dinner time". I left every single ingredient out for dinner except the chicken out on the counter. Hint hint. Well I returned home & nothing had been cooked even though a capable husband who did not work yesterday & a 17 year old were home watching TV. I told them all I was not cooking their dinner & they could eat frozen pizzas. Hmph. I deserved better & I let them know it. Nothing wrong with that.

It's funny because I taught on this defintion of woman & chatted about it with other ladies I know & several women have told me that they had been "secretly having these thoughts" and they felt so happy to know other women thought these things too. I was so happy to have opened this discussion but so saddened too at the state some women live in. Why also do we as Christians (some of us) create and environment where we cannot talk to our Christian friends about theology we have a hard time with, such as the whole help meet thing. They never said anything & just lived like they thought they were supposed to and you know what? They don't like it one bit. They serve and serve and do and do and I asked does your husband do anything special for you also? Sadly the answer was no. Um, I had to control my tongue. But we discussed ways to change that. We are special, men are special and we need to treat each other as such.

Well, my Braxton turns 3 today so I am off to play with my birthday boy!!! I hope you all have a wonderful day as I know I will. I can't believe my baby is growing up!! Alas, before he leaves home my now 17 year old will probably be supplying me with grandchildren to play with. :)

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