Thursday, May 14, 2009

A Submissive Wife.....

As a part of Melissa's Beautiful Life series over at the Inspired Room I thought I'd participate with a wonderful thing God is teaching me about harmony in my marriage. Thanks Melissa for hosting the get together. Thank you for visiting from the Inspired Room and for anyone who has not visited her blog please do. She has a wonderful blog that will inspire you in many ways.

Here we are in all our marital glory.

When I hear the word submissive or submit I do not associate it with a good feelings. There is only one exception to this and that is when I hear that word associated with the Lord. I don't mind saying "I submit to the Lord. I submit to Jesus." one single bit. Okay, great. Now try saying out loud "I submit to my husband". (Go ahead, try it.)

How did that feel?

Could you even say it?

Did you cringe?

Did you roll your eyes?

Did you laugh? (I laughed)

Did you say "Not in a million bleeping years. That man is a (insert word)?

Did you feel comfortable saying it?(I hope you felt comfortable saying it.)

I just tried saying it again and I still laughed (he he).

I have often struggled with this issue and especially this word. Submit. Didn't God know men were selfish lustful morons when he made them? Sometimes I look at men and I shake my head and think "I'm supposed to submit to that?" Are you freaking kidding me?

In my religious upbringing being a submissive wife was hammered into us at my Southern Baptist Private School & at our Church. Even as a young child this really irritated the poo out of me and I would argue with my Sunday School & Bible teachers. I would say "Why should my mom submit to my dad when he doesn't do any of the work around the house, she works and all he does is go fishing and look at other women.". They never really did have a good answer for me. They just said she should do it. My first husband was a control freak and somewhat abusive physically but mostly verbally. Submit to him? Not on your life baby. I say this only to preface my issues with a submissive wife and I forgot.... most of the men in our Church were not very kind to their wives. I don't think many of them were happy. Which is why I always though it was so ridiculous to let a man abuse and trample over a woman. Or just simply sit back and not argue/discuss bad decision making etc. There are a whole multitude of reasons why some men are not "worthy" of a submissive wife. Which brings me to the point.

I have discovered that a worthy man is deserving of a submissive wife.

Yep, that's right I said it.

In reading Ephesians 5 & I mean the whole chapter but particularly where it discusses marriage I believe Paul is pretty clear about both roles of marriage and I feel certain that even Paul himself would agree that this "submissive" thing wouldn't work in making a happy marriage if only one of the marriage partners was fulfilling their Holy matrimonial obligations. I don't think Paul was just listing how marriage should be for the sake of giving rules, it was on how to have a happy marriage. You know, marriage is really harder for the man than the woman if it is done Biblicaly. They have a lot of responsibilities and one of those major responsibilities is for the men to love their wives, just as Christ loved the Church. Just how much do we all believe Jesus loves the Church? To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but whole and blameless. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-for we are members of his body. Thought I'd quote me a little scripture there.

Now, that's a lot of work for the man. But ladies, I think we all know how most women react when their man is being wonderful to them. We want to do nice things for them and make them happy. Also, when momma is happy everyone is happy. When my hubby is being wonderful to me I find myself going out of my way to be a good wife to him. To do things that will please him. That's just how we women roll.

Recently God has just grabbed ahold of my hubby and wonderful things are happening around here. He is developing a personal relationship with God. He has been reading the Bible every day and truly seeking. He has a pastor friend who is mentoring him. He is wanting to change our family structure to a biblical one. Although my husband was a doo doo head for Mother's Day he is really changing and he wants to become the spiritual head of the home. I think this is huge as he knows lots of stuff but he knows I know way more. It could be a little intimidating for him to take over what has been my role but he did it and I am proud of him. He knows he does not have all the knowledge but he knows his role now and he wants to fulfill it. That leaves me with the white elephant in the room (the submissive wife role that I must fulfill).

I have to say, I don't mind it. I am enjoying it actually. How crazy is that?

You see, now that I am experiencing for the first time snippets of what Paul was talking about concerning the man's role in loving his woman it is easy to submit to my husband. If I can see he is being gentle and loving towards me and not selfish but considerate of me and the children also then his decision making or requests do not bother me at all. He also has been discussing things more and wanting to come to agreements first. He is not trying to be a ruler/tyrant. He is trying to be the spiritual head and I am more than happy to help. I like being treated this way. I talked in Feb. about the whole men want respect women want love thing. I see that being completed here.

I know some women who say you should be submissive no matter if your husband is fulfilling his obligations listed along in Eph. 5. Well, that's another post but if your hubby is not treating you the way you deserve or how you should be I don't think you should submit yourself into being a doormat.

I find it interesting that God has shown me so much this past year and yet he still continues to teach me new things. My biggest fear is that I have learned so much in such a short time that I will forget it all and mix things together. I think maybe that is a large part of why God spoke to my heart to start blogging. He knew I would record everything & I could just go back at any time to review it all. And I have, many times. Now I am learning about being a submissive wife and that is a subject I truly didn't think I could ever grasp ahold of. Now, I by no means have a true grasp on this subject but I am beginning to learn. This should be another fun journey that God takes the family down and boy oh boy, I sure do hope my hubby continues on this way. I can hardly contain my excitement!! I also like my new lovey dovey kinda sorta guy. Hey, he's still new at it too.

I was wondering if anybody had any helpful thoughts on marriage concerning both people's roles and how to be a better submissive wife. What can I do to help him continue on with his new role and stay with it and be an encourager?


Faye said...

Goodmorning!I really enjoyed your post!I am a Ga.blogger as well.Please keep me in your prayers.I have what could some serious health problems.I am just trying to keep my faith in God!Hope you have a great day! Blessings. Faye

ladybugsmom said...

I haven't read it, but I used to frequent a message board where the women talked a great deal about a book called "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. There seems to be a lot of Excellent Wife study groups out there on the internet. Perhaps your library has a copy?

jennyhope said...

I completely know what you mean here. I always remind myself "as unto the Lord."

Thank you for the comment on my blog =).

I have been walking daily with the Lord for 11 years and I still have not gotten over Jesus. The person I was talking about is not a demonstrative person AT ALL...and so they were telling me that but girl I never go...if you don't know about Jesus you are going to hell...none of that hell, fire, and brimstone brash stuff. That is why it stung...I just share about what He has done for me and etc. You know what I mean. Your blog is Soooo cute!!

Milah said...

This is a wonderful post! I needed to be reminded of this.;D

To answer your question my advice is to always hear your husband out even if you don't agree. Instead of arguing or correcting his ideas just listen. If you are not in agreement with him go to God first. Pray for God's intervention and see what happens. When my husband was a young christian and trying to take the spiritual leadership in our home, I was resisting his authority by always spatting my opinions. I found this was hurtful to him. I learned that I should listen to my husband and bit my tongue if I was not in agreement, then I'd pray telling God my concerns instead of telling my husband. I can't tell you how many times my husband would come to me and say, "Honey, I feel God wants me to do this instead of that." God was working on him and if I'd keep my mouth shut He would do his part. I can't tell you how many arguments I could have avoided if I had gone to God first! Today, my husband IS the spiritual leader of our home and daily I need to remind myself to let go of trying to control everything, don't nag, and to wait on the Lord.

shopannies said...

I am always reminded of the bible where it says a wife should love her husand and he love her in a manner which fullfils the same love that Jesus has for the church and the church has for him

Leila said...

It's good to read what you say here...

I am not a submissive person by nature -- oh no!! Not at all.

But I have learned that the one thing a man really needs in a marriage is for his wife to look up to him -- to respect him.

We have a tendency to talk to our husbands as if they are another one of the kids -- and this hurts them.

I'm working on it -- showing my admiration for him as a man!

Good for you to post about this!