Monday, June 1, 2009

A Stunning Realization

Dude, he fell asleep playing video games. Funny stuff.

I had the most fantastic realization Saturday afternoon on the way to Wal Mart. So not my favorite store but they have the cheapest non meat groceries so off I go. Ingles is my meat place. Anyway..... I only had a $100 to feed us for the next 7 days and you know school is out so I have to feed 6 for lunch too (I pack the hubby's). So like I always do when I am alone in the car I began to pray. Love to pray in the car. Huge block of uninterrupted time of just me and God. No radio. Just God.

So, I pray in different ways but in this particular day I started off with thanks and praises first. Then dived into petitions. I made a petition of favor at Wal Mart to find the deals and sales that would allow me to have enough food this week for the fam. I knew He would help me. I felt good about that. Then I said to God, "You know what Lord? I don't feel like praying about our family finances today. You know our needs and you know our faith and that's all I'm going to say about that today.". I then turned my mind to any other petitions I had to give (not including prayer requests from friends and family) and I was completely stunned. I drew a blank. I can remember frowning and thinking why can't I think of anything? Then it hit me. God has just come in and moved so that I literally in that moment had nothing to petition God about with the exception of fiances. Nothing.

The marriage? Great, better than ever. The hubby? Filled full of the Spirit. Seeking, studying and has turned into a man after Jesus leading our home. The kids? Super duper. My role as SAHM? Thanks to the excel sheet.... lovin it!! My house is clean 22/7. Yeah, about 2 hours a day it goes haywire before we pick up after ourselves again. Relationship with God? Words are inadequate.

Holy Cow? Now, I'm not naive, things won't stay all beautiful and perfect. But for the moment if I had no financial woes my life as it stands would be all wonderful. I can't remember a time I could ever say that. Before when I worked it was always like..." Lord, I hate my job and the gazillion hours I have to work. 55 hrs a week. I never see my kids, my husband. yada yada. I literally had no requests to place before God for myself. Except the money. Which I found interesting. God has come in and moved in a way only God can do and changed my husband completely. He has changed so many things and taught me so many things. This blog documents it all. This whole blog from post to post was about God teaching, molding & changing me. He has moved like I can't even begin to understand and everything I have prayed about for years has been answered. Except one thing. Money. More on that in a moment.

So after my stunning realization that God had literally answered all my prayers but one. I was so grateful, so thankful and the whole prayer just turned to praise. Isn't He wonderful? Dude, I had NOTHING to complain about or ask for. So I have spent the weekend reveling in that joy that I must say feels great. Amen.

So the money thing..... remember my post a couple posts down where I was talking about God showing me that I had not truly given Him my money. I really thought I had but I shared in that post how He showed me that I was only wanting to give him his 10% after taxes and more if I felt moved. Hubby was wanting to give 10% before taxes and I got upset because we barely feed ourselves already..... I was just thinking how would we survive if we gave more not trying to be selfish with it. But God showed me it was not my money to begin with and that I had not given him my money. I truly believe this is a lesson we are both to learn as a couple. Mostly me though I fear. Mike is more trusting and has more faith than I do. It comes more easily to him. I am a security driven person. I need to feel secure, I have a hard time not being able to know from week to week if I can pay my bills or not. So remember I was saying that even as I was praying to God asking forgiveness in this issue and trying to fully give him our finances that my mind was arguing with me while I was praying!! Man, that was embarrassing. So now the subject of money keeps coming up.

Lysa TerKeurst said to me while answering a question of mine at the A Woman Inspired Conference and also in a book she wrote called What Happens When Women Say Yes To God that when God is trying to speak something to you as a confirmation of what He is speaking He will often have other godly people around you bring up what he has spoken to confirm that this is what He is trying to tell you. I felt like a dummy when she said that because I never realized that factoid as a truth. All along in this blog I would feel God moving me about something He wanted me to learn and then I have documented all up in this blog how that subject would just keep coming up over and over and the answers to my questions would be answered by the people/TV sermons/ live sermons I would encounter. Of course, Lysa is right. So in the light of God showing me that I had not truly entrusted Him with our money as I thought I had and now the subject of money keeps coming up.... well, I guess I have something to learn there.

I am a little confused because I am not a greedy person. I don't live lavishly when money is aplenty. I often say I could be kicked out of womankind because of my lack of shoes. I think I have like, four pairs. My only pair of flip flops are hand me downs from the teenager!! I had no idea money was an issue for me. I don't hoard it away. I am wondering if God just wants me to trust Him enough to give it to Him, even when I don't have it to give. Which is now. So I said in the post about the money that we would see what happens when it came check writing time on Sunday. Well, Sunday came. Here's what happened.

Hubby turns on TBN. There is a special camp meeting on from some guy I have never heard of but he is kinda funny. What is he speaking about? Money. Sewing faith seeds. Then he started speaking a parallel of what Lysa had spoken about in her book about giving away some money that she had saved for some clothes after an embarrassing incident involving her clothing and not being up to date. She was asked to give away her money. He was also asked to give away his clothing money. To people who needed it more/ministry who needed it more. Both people had other friends buy them clothing and for WAY more than what they had to spend for themselves to begin with. You know, something along the lines of this scripture concerning giving... test me in this and I will open up the storehouses in heaven and bless you so that there is not room enough to contain. I am using my own words from memory which I am sure is not 100% perfect so please forgive. I found it interesting that I had read about that two days before and then this guy says basically the exact same story. Okay, Lord I hear you. Give. I got it. So hubby watches it and I know he wants to tithe the business. I am determined to write a check for whatever he says and at this point I am looking forward to giving our money to the Lord.

Hubby writes the check and gives it to me to fill out the envelope. I looked at it. Let's just say that there is nothing left but gas money for him to go to work. If I run out of gas, I will be at home. If someone needs something they don't get it. If we run out of bread, we will be looking in the couch for change. I saw the amount and I was so proud of him. If he needs something for the job he is working on, he can't go get it. Which happens almost daily. So, God has obviously been working in his heart about money too. I smiled after I thought about it for a moment. I felt good about giving it to Him. I am not bothered by it. God gave me one little test about it though on Saturday while I was reading Lysa's book. Something came up about money and it was a pretty good sum I guess. I remembered that the lady who "bought my store fixtures" and quit paying me promised to pay me in full when her tax returns came in. I was like, boy I sure wish "greedy rich lady" (my pet name for her) would pay me soon. We sure could use it to catch up. Then it was there. BOOM. God puts something in my head like, are you going to tithe that money? Argh, fligger flagger. God, that's like $500. So in a millisecond I realize that paying God comes first over my need to pay bills. I repented almost instantly and saw that I am on top of the hurtle not over it. Poop. I'm trying Lord. I really am. Jennifer just wants to pay some bills, not buy designer purses. So, when my check comes in I will write a tithe for it.

The guy on TBN says whenever he writes a big check he is sick about it for days. I think he was just trying to show that we all react differently to our giving life with the Lord. Some people say you need to give with a glad heart. I agree. But we gave $500 a long time ago in a special offering and might I say, although we wanted to do it and God spoke it to hubby to do it. It was difficult to write that check and I did feel a little tiny bit ill over it for like a day. This time I can't wait to do it.


Toia said...

It was such a blessing to read your post. I am glad to read about how God has blessed you and your family. Thanks so much for sharing!!

dawnkristine said...

You know, I have been lurking your blog for some time now, and I just love your attitude about have encouraged me to just be thankful today!

ocean mommy said...

I am just in tears! I am so happy for you. :) Our God is so good and I can't wait to see how He blesses you. :)