Friday, June 27, 2008
Georgia Humidity Will Kill Your Hair
How can it be that when I left my bathroom mirror this morning, only 2 hours ago my hair was perfectly coiffed, curly & somewhat big hairish & now it is flat & droppy. In my eyes even. Oh yes, Georgia humidity!!! It's so hot here, in the 90's everyday already. I am thinking about chopping off 2 or 3 inches. Boy, my face sure has gotton fat. I really need to get back on the fitness schedule. Where did that mole over my lip come from too? That wasn't there a year ago, boy getting old is weird. Everything sags & things pop up you wish wouldn't & what you'd like to pop back up droops down. What's that all about?
So as I expected, I am impatient & struggling with resting in Christ. It is so against my nature to just give up and try to do nothing about something. I am waiting until I feel moved by God to "do something". Wednesday I had a negative day in sales, someone returned something for $20 & excahnged it for a $17.99 item & it was my only transaction. Thursday I had one sale 1 minute before I closed for $9.99. I had decent traffic both days & it was about 95% new people who have never been in before. All of them told me they like the shop & that I had pretty things but nobody bought anything. Highly unusual. Is God testing me to see if I freak out? Here I just totally surrendered all of my life & family & things to him & things get worse financially, the baby has been a complete terror both days also & up for 2 to 3 hours in the middle of the night, etc. Nothing got any better, it got worse. Confusing. I almost lost it yesterday for about 2 hours, I struggled but thankfully today I am overcoming that. Hearing from other wonderful ladies & reading their blogs is sooooo beneficial to me mentally & spiritually. I hope no one thinks I am some crazy weirdo stalker needy person. There are plenty of crazy people in the world for sure, but alas, I am not one of them. I am just seeking friendship & encouragement & a few brief moments of fun & laughter. I had my very first customer that I ever had come in this morning, she was about to get her hair done at the salon 2 doors down from me. She said she would be back when she got done, she is quite well off & always spends a lot when she comes in. So I was hopeful but I saw her get in her car & leave 30 min ago. ??? Sigh. I am re reading the book Grace Walk. I am still not sure completely what it means to rest in Christ. Do I really just seek only him & not worry about my bills personally & business ones? How do I not worry & yet the Bible in many places tells us not to. So I am really trying & having quite a few frank conversations with God. I am confused as to how to pray anymore. I used to always begin with thanking God for the day and then giving thanks period for anything I wanted to say thanks for & then praise him & then move along with any requests & petitions. I feel as though it was too much of a routine now after reading Grace Walk and I have just basically had one big conversation with God and several mini's throughout the day each day now. I am confused because it is a big deal to completely surrender your life to God. I mean, I didn't rent myself to him, it wasn't a lease/purchase option. I GAVE my whole self to Him. That is a really big deal if you mean it because that is for EVER. He could ask me to do anything! I was a little scared when I did it because having NO control of your life is scary. But I meant every word & I did it. I don't really feel any different, I haven't had a word dropped in my spirt, I haven't felt compelled to do anything different except pray differently, my baby is worse, & my business is worse. My hubby's doing several little jobs & thankfully it's cutting the mustard sort of. We had to ask my Dad to pay the mortgage again but he can't do it again for a few months becasue of my mom's medical needs & her poopy medicare/extra (not) insurance which pays for nothing. I would love to pay my own bills again. So anyway, I am confused because it was a big deal for me to give myself to God like that & nothing is really happening that I can see. Maybe I am not ready yet for Him to use me but I tell you, I just can't mentally take anymore. I am broken, completely broken. I will have to be patient & keep resting in Him because if He's going to use me He's going to have to do something with me soon. It is weird to be seeking God in this new way & also needing a miracle at the same time becasue I don't want to confuse the two. I am genuine about both things. I really do want Christ to live through me. I want my life to be victorious. I also don't want to be homeless. I also don't want to lose my store & be sued by the landlord for the rent I said I would pay for the next 2 years. Fun fun. I am still confused about the whole God/Jesus thing. The author of Grace Walk writes like God & Jesus are one and the same if I have read it correctly. I am always confused by this, my pastor says a lot that God was Jesus in human form. But if that's true why does Jesus talk to God? Why is Jesus sitting on right hand of the throne of God if they are the same person. I have always considered them to be 2 seperate people. You know, God's actual son. Someone he had known in heaven & then sent down to earth in human form to accomplish his task of salvation. So who are we supposed to be praying to? Jesus does in the Bible say to come to him and he will give us rest. So resting in Jesus is biblical, I just get really confused about all that, can you pray to Jesus? I know we can pray things in the name of Jesus but can you pray to Jesus? Is that in the Bible anywhere? I don't know, I am going to read my Bible some now. Hopeing for a restful & busy day if that makes sense.